Friday, January 19, 2007

the bastard is real slow on the uptake...

...or on adventures in cheesesteakery

walked over to susie's on 30th and park (or something like that) with chicago jerkface who wanted a peanut butter jelly sammich. we arrive to find that they no longer carry p.b. and j so we storm out. hell, the bastard isn't going to order alone. so after deliberating, we roll for carls for cheesesteaks. the best in new york. or perhaps it's the best within walking distance but, either way you get a good sammich.

upon arriving a woman walks out and lets the door slam on us, seeing that we're going to walk in. so the bastard does what any respectable new yorker would do. "thanks alot for holding that door, ya dick!" yup i said that. didn't think that. said it. didn't wait for a response. ordered my sammich. didn't miss a beat. so you're probably asking yourself, "why so cruel bastard? no need to get all harsh". well, young shiteyes, let me back up here.

FLASHBACK: i'm walking in and despite my general air of meanness, i still hold the door open for people. not just women but, people. it's some crazy hair brained crap about treating all people equally. so i'm holding the door for this woman that just started a month or two ago. i think she's one of those zombies that works in sales and nothing. no reaction. no "hey thanks for holding that door angry bald man". nothing. well it's not like i'm expecting thanks yous but, i am. call me foolish but i also have this hair brained idea about there being no excuse for bad manners. i mean hell, it's not like i'm holding doors for ladies all over new york city looking for their phone number. ida know.

FLASHBACK EVEN FURTHER: so i'm walking in yesterday morning and a woman who works in my building is leaving the place where i got my breakfast and i'm right behind her. she sees me walking out behind her and you guessed it. door slam meets my face. i'm carrying my brekky and my bag. it's kind of not nice. so i give out a hearty thank you. jerk. funny thing is, i get to ride the elevator with this jerk afterwards.

OK BACK TO REAL TIME HERE: i order my cheesesteak and jerkface is laughing about my cavalier manner of calling people out on the street and i recant the previous 2 flashbacks to him. chicago just shakes his head and remarks on how there is absolutely no pressure in this city for a woman to have to be polite to average people in average society. so it begs a question to me, could this be true? i'm starting to think so.

—the bastard

4 comments:

mofo said...

bitches man...

bastard central said...

you know, the bastard doesn't look at it that way. hell, i could give two craps if no one says thank you for shit in this town but, i find it to be a curiousity that men are pressured to behave in polite society and i wonder if it goes both ways

mofo said...

You need to watch "Say Anything" again—later for you, lupe!

bastard central said...

lloyd lloyd, null and void