Wednesday, February 20, 2008

how to ruin the bastard's lunch in two easy steps...

step one: open your big, stupid, over entitled, big salaried executive mouth.


step two: insert big stupid , over entitled, big salaried executive foot.

now lets put this all in perspective. the bastard, chicago jerkface, and sara voids get on an elevator on ten, going down, because we work on nine. and we couldn't eat lunch in a conference room on our floor. okay...begin.


"well, i'm not going to miss this"

"miss what?"

"this."

"oh...right."

"you'd think they'd come up with their own way to take a staircase to get between the floors."

"there is no chance for re-entry on the stairs"

"well you'd think with ALL the money they're making...."

yes, dick. we're soooooooo very sorry that you have to endure this minor hiccup on your way to an overpriced, yet expensed meal on your company so that you can speak in "sales-isms" to one another and jack each other off about your golf games but, our evil ant overlords have not budgeted for constructing a magical crystal palace designed to make your flight from your floor run smoothly past the fucking gauntlet that is stopping at the 10th floor only to have to stop again at the 9th floor. please pardon the bastard as he calms himself by stabbing you in the neck and twisting just oh so much. you fucking over entitled asshole. you suck at living.

—the bastard

3 comments:

jonny airplanes said...

Well, next time accidentaly push 7 and 8 before 9 and feel good all the way to your desk. Or run the whole lot of floors and feel good all day.

jonny airplanes said...

i missed an l.

bastard central said...

if there was a floor below us in the express elevator.

i would have