nothing like some hot coffee and the open road

you know,

sometimes the best laid plans of mice and men don't come to pass.

even moreso when you plan it late.

or half assed.

and the bastard us guilty of both.

you see, my mother called me up a couple weeks ago (or emailed me or some crap) and asked if the mofo and i could do something with the elder for his birthday and iwas game and so was the mofo.

either way, some fills couldn't make it and that was a bit of a bummer but, everything looks better after an aimless ride around and a cup of coffee to round it out.

I hope I have enough gas to get to a gas station.

-the bastard

...on working vacations

you know,

sometimes juggling gets the better of the bastard.

and he forgets to take care of everything

so now that i'm full of turkey, I have to go to the office in the morning and send color to the downtown office.

oh well, go to hell. hope you jerks had a good bird. i know i did.

-the bastard

this just in...

the chairman wins.

the chairman fucking wins

-the bastard

...on freestylin'

you know,

there are just some days when you know that it's gonna be by the numbers.

and then,

there are some days when you know that some crazy skell is going to freestyle rap all the way back to queens.

this guy went on and on,

landscapin',

mentally shapin',

get the gidst of what i am sayin'

so lucky bastard that i am, the bastard watches some of his stories to pass the time on the ipod.

and this guys just keeps going,

landscapin',

mentally shapin',

it went on for so long that he drove some old man in a cowboy hat right out of his seat because he couldn't take it anymore.

out of towners just don't get it some/most times.

landscapin',

mentally shapin',

by the time i had finished my show (22 minutes just so you know shiteyes), he had built all of y'all up.

and now he was gonna cool you down with some old soul.

and for the three minutes the bastard had left without headphones on, the hardest working hobo in the tunnels we spend half of our lives in, he fucked up the lyrics to "i wish it would rain".

fucking magical.

—the bastard

...on catching one's breath

oooof.

just booked airfare for the gun show.

you know, i haven't been the stop and smell the roses sort.

but i thought i'd catch my breath.

you see the bastard got moved up in the world.

and while he has come to the conclusion that he will never really get to enjoy any of his promotions careerwise,

that he can stop and take a breath and think, "what fresh hell have i gotten myself into now?"

oh well,

things could be worse.

the bastard needs some sleep.

more to come when i actually have material.

—the bastard

that's brisk baby

went out for a late night ride before.

well not that late, it's only 10 to midnite.

but i went out nonetheless to wind around the part in the dark.

it helps the bastard think. mostly because zipping down the pavement makes it necessary to pay attention to the world around you.

the smell of gasoline doesn't hurt either.

and it's cold out too.

that helps actually.

makes me feel alive.

it's probably the most rewarding thing in my life right now that isn't a person.

—the bastard

...on quizzes

...no not quiznos


so the bastard got one of those get to know me quizzes from my friend, high school.

which the bastard always finds entertaining because it's kind of like facebook or myspace and friendster or any other bits of social networking. i'm on three or four of them and i'm pretty much friends with the same 20 people across all of them.

i still meet new folks or re acquaint myself with some different folks from various points in the bastard's history but tht's not the point.

fucking quizzes now.

1. What is your occupation right now? magazine art director

2. What color are your socks right now? black

3. What are you listening to right now? talkey talket talk

4. What was the last thing that you ate? japanese food

5. Can you drive a stick shift? yeah but motorcycle is better

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? my fiancé

7. You like the person who sent this to you? she's ok in my book, she used to give me her homework

8. How old are you today? 38 but, i'm 20 in my head

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? i sometimes watch the moto gp but i don't know if that counts as a sport

10. What is your favorite drink? of all time: bombay sapphire gin; right now: sauza hornitos

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? yup, i dyed a perfectly good head of blonde hair red

12. Favorite food? of all time: steak frite; right now: hangover pasta at resto

13. What is the last movie you watched? most recently; gone baby gone

14. Favorite day of the year? any day i get to kick start the bike

15. How do you vent anger? usually i store it up and vent it at innappropriate times. but i've been working on it

17. What is your favorite season? fall

18. Cherries or Blueberries? cherries.

19. You want your friends to e-mail you back? not relavent in this case but comment are always welcome

20. Who is the most likely to respond? not relavent in this case but comment are always welcome

21. Who is least likely to respond? not relavent in this case but comment are always welcome

22. Living arrangements? the bastard lives in two worlds on either side of the east river

23. When was the last time you cried? not too long after the last time i vented. it's a process you see

24. What is on the floor of your closet? a lot of junk that i need to throw out

25. The friend you have had the longest that you are sending to? not relavent in this case but, my oldest friend is robbo

26. What are you most afraid of? that i'm right about the next 4 years

27. Grilled Cheese, or spicy hamburgers? i dunno who the hell makes spicy burgers but i'm on board with that shit

28. Favorite dog breed? the quiet, well behaved variety

29. Favorite day of the week? friday

30. How many states have you lived in? In this country? just the one

31.Diamonds or pearls? neither/nor

32. What is your favorite flower? pure unbleached

there you go. now you go to hell.

—the bastard

...on rats and fat cats

...and lots of shouting


now the bastard tries to be about fair play.

but there has been these picketers protesting across the street all day.

and it's starting to fuck with my flow.

you see, the bastard is wearing many hats now and none of them are made of cheese.

so i'm not down with the rat these thugs have been dancing around for the last 8 hours.

ok truth to tell the bastard isn't too sympathetic in general let alone a bunch of people who have more job security than most of my friends have seen in the last two weeks.

hell, i had a few things to say during the last transit strike we had and i have to say that not having job security doesn't give you much sympathy altogether.

so shut up thugs, the bastard has work to do. thank you.

—the bastard

the bastard will tell you this...

i have come to a foregone conclusion,

that even if we were running this magazine from the aleutian islands,

from january until march,

the bastard would still be totally sweaty when he gets to work.

i don't know what the hell it is with my internal barometer. it's like 38 degrees outside and my bosy thinks that it's august.

and here we are again.

looking for a dry shirt on the day of the most important meeting meeting of my career at the moment.

dammit!.

—the bastard

wind 1, bastard 0

the bastard spent the bulk of this weekend, working on the whole "nesting" thing.

yeah. nesting.

it's like this, i've gotten engaged to my ladyfriend and we're slowly working towards moving into her place. so we've been spending our weekends making an alcove studio apartment in manhattan roomy enough for the two of us. space has always been an issue for the bastard.

so it's been runs to ikea and putting stuff together and remembering to bring the means to put this crap together over. by the by jon, i still have your ryobi drill. it's fucking handy. let em know when you need it back.

this week has been an extensive week in the office, so i haven't been able to ride the bike all week. and tonight was the night.

decided to run a few errands.

ran out of gas.

popped the reserve and got some more and headed east.

and the wind toosed the bastard all oever the highway like a rag doll.

it was good times.

i feel like hell now. lots to do. lots changing.

—the bastard

two episodes in...

...and season two of the shield is really messed up

you really have to hand it to the fx channel.

not a single bit of original programming ever leaves the bastard feeling any better about his fellow man.

two hours (well really 90 minutes because there are no commercials), and i'm already uncomfortable.

good times.

—the bastard

...on irish blessings

"may the road rise up to meet you

and may the wind be at your back

and may you be in heaven a half hour

before the devil knows you're dead"

it's what the bastard said to grandpa at his funeral.

it's what he's come to say instead of saying goodbye.

sorry.

force of habit.

you see, left hand rob got let go while I was in arizona and his last day was today. it's like losing a steady right... er... left hand.

and the bastard got spared and that is it's own giri to bear.

because you see, landing on your feet also has it's price.

and i'm not sure if it was worth it yet.

—the bastard

one...

last time.

—the bastard

two...

it is time,

for stormy weather.

—the bastard

fleeting

the bastard just saw g.e. smith of Saturday night live band fame walking down madison.

his head looks too big for his body.

I don't see how this matters

-the bastard

three...

it's purple today

bastard dying at his desk

cold wind makes me glad

—the bastard

...on the malaise

more than 50 percent of the december issue is out.

i feel like hell as well.

it's also hard because i'm not exactly shipping with my trusted partner in crime as he's been laid off.

this doesn't sit well.

the bastard has also gotten to bed no earlier than 12:30 every night this week.

so between the lunch coma and overall sadness.

and the malaise-o-nayse i had on my sandwich.

well, you get the picture.

—the bastard

four...

feeling trucked.

shipping the book.

too tired for bike.

things got better

—the bastard

five...

weekend was productive.

went to a birthday party and i threatened to stab someone in the neck

it's terrible what gin does for a bastard.

things are not pleasant here today.

maybe tomorrow. maybe not.

—the bastard

now the bastard wants to cry in his own poverty

ducati is putting out a new bike


there is NO WAY in hell it is within the bastard's reach anytime soon.

bummer.

—the bastard

glacier

the bastard gets to work.

then has a meeting.

then tries to do some work.

then has a meeting.

move forward 2 feet.

go back 6 feet.

stay tired all the time.

life sucks.

get a helmet.

—the bastard

hey kids...

remember when pepsi used to be made out of human blood?

the bastard does.

mmm mmm good, ya jerks!

—the bastard

...on the view

...and not that god awful show with joy behar and whoopi


last tuesday


last night


tonight

things are a changing round here.

i mean the office, not the fucking election. i just wanted to get a few more pix of the view before it all changes on the bastard again.

—the bastard

what fresh hell... pt4

the bastard is back at his desk now.

i got in last night on time.

i got home on time.

but it goes like this,

if mos eisley spaceport is a place where you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy then,

at the atlanta airport, you will never find a more wretched hive of hipsters in converse all stars and ironic hoodies.


i mean for fuck's sake, everyone was decked out in the uniform. some were even rocking their brooklyn hats. it's a little over the top for the bastard. i culd go on about the guy with the high hair who was discussing his bands photoshoot ad nauseum, or the guy who looked totally indignant because some poor black woman had gotten between he and his woman and called her rude and declared everyone in new york rude (by the way, fuck you buddy) but i won't. the bastard has a meeting and he isn't looking forward to it.

as a side note, i almost dies in a cab last night. 3 connected flights and i almost get killed by a cabby who doesn't know how to get onto the van wyck expressway and talk on the phone at the same time. welcome home to me.

—the bastard

what fresh hell... pt3

so the bastard has made it all the way to hotlanta.

I'm feeling the effects by now.

world weary traveler.

depressed, divorced father.

unbelievable bastard.

the bastard sits in a TGIFridays (yes TGIFridays; you wanna go to hell with that noise, dick!) and he's drinking a beer.

waiting for a burger.

hoping that the coming storm is one I can weather. fuck, I hate storms.

as much as I hate the apartment I'm going home to, I can't wait to put my head down.

-the bastard

what fresh hell...pt2

landed in salt lake.

well not IN the lake.

cause that would suck.

ball park frank was better but not by much.

some dick kept shoving his knees in my back.

I hope he gets kicked on the nuts someday soon.

hotlanta next. grief to follow.

—the bastard

what fresh hell... pt1

the bastard has come to the conclusion that his gps has it in for him.

the boy's house is at the very bottom of three years worth of construction on i10 in Tucson but the gps takes me east of that onramp only to have the bastard experience rush hour traffic on a whole new level. you haven't lived until your hay fever is stuck alongside a hay truck.

salt lake next. yay?!?!

-the bastard