...on homesickness

actually, the bastard HAD to go back to queens today to get the car.

but i get homesick.

the bastard ain't a goddam island you know.

so, took a long walk back to the hood to get the car.

took out the bike.

that ended in hilarity. i'll talk about that later.

but now i'm eating pizza at the crappy pizza place down the block because mazara's just tastes like home for a minute.

lots to do and the car ain't gonna clean itself.

-the bastard

you ain't a woofin

oh

my

GOD!!

something stinks in the kitchen.

so something tell the bastard that the folks at mystery science magazine needs to do their dishes.

oof.

-the bastard

thursday night jackassery

the bastard came across this from gizmodo.

which sent me here.

so here is something zombie like for your evening commute.


and apparently, it's easy to do.

—the bastard

this is starting to become a re-occuring theme but...

...the bastard is plum out of steam again.

it's true.

now, granted, i was out last night,

and i had a little bit to drink but,

i'm out of steam.

i have a bear feature to work on and tons of other stuff.

but,

there's this fuzz going on in the back of my head that's preventing me from moving forward on anything.

i'm sure it'll pass and i'll vomit out all of the work i have to do next wee but, today, i just can't get it together.

better luck tomorrow

—the bastard

...on the train

funny thing about the train.

hell

funny thing about mass transit

is

when you really need to get there,

sometimes, it's there for you

at least it was tonight.

the bastard feels discouraged because of the bike but, not as discouraged if the rest of the trip home was.

I remember once when iwas trying to take a nap on grandpa's boat, he repeated to me over and over again,

"rocked in the cradle of the deep. rocked in the cradle of the deep"

the bastard misses him at the damndest times

rocked in the cradle of the rails.

clack.

clack.

clack.

that's something at least.

—the bastard

oh the bastard had such plans tonight

alternate side of the street parking is something the bastard has been able to avoid for a long time now.

that is until now.

you see, he's moved across the river an manhattan is a different game altogether.

on monday I brought Ivan across and was able to hook up parking until wednesday.

tonight was make or break night and manhattan wasn't going to budge.

so i went back to queens to pick the car up on the weekend.

thought about getting the bike.

tried it.

it didn't happen.

now the bastard is exhausted from 20 minutes of kick start.

oh the bastard had such plans tonight. shit.

—the bastard

one piece

got on the ground.

I can see the skyline from here.

it'll be good to get the city back under my feet.

also, it'll be nice to be able to potentially ride in cabs NOT driven by fucking highwaymen.

the snow looks good too.

—the bastard

...on rush jobs

welcome to jet blue everybody.

now everyone get in the fucking plane with much quickness.

we got some fresh hell for all y'alls up there so we want to get you there asap.

fucking yay!

—the bastard

...on weird beards

mullets were thin this year.

the bastard thinks that they have sen their day down here in floriduh.

but the duck commander never disappoints.

he's this guys who has a successful series of duck hunting videos and he was at the gun show with his entourage.

and their beards were glorious.

that's what the bastard has. more to come.

—the bastard

...on hard targets

dr dre saw this from the floor and snapped it for me.

very disturbing.

very.

—the bastard

...on escapes

so

it's like this

the bastard is flying home this morning.

i'll have a little more on the trip when iget back.

situations didn't allow for as much jackassery to get put down here.

not enough staff. it's the last leg of a very long journey that started at the end of october and the bastard is tired.

—the bastard

...on chatter

traffic,

at least what passes for traffic in orlando holds the bastard up this morning.

then there is the inevitable chatter of folks in this biz having their early morning convention small talk.

"hi, how's your show going?"

"great how's your show going?"

"super. well I have to get to the show. enjoy your show."

"you enjoy your show too. have a great show."

"thanks, you enjoy your show too today."

"thanks, enjoy your show."

and it goes on and on and on and on.

then they have to pop the trunk and get their gun crap out of the car.

it never ends.

—the bastard

...on bonus batter

the bastard woke up this morning and his skull hurt

stupid gin.

i get into the elevator to meet my staff in the lobby and my copy chief is in the elevator.

and so is sam waterston.

again.

i was hurting,

so was he while he held his big assed fruit basket so i couldn't muster it up again.

but here it is for your viewing pleasure



because robots are strong.

—the bastard

...on robots

day one lasted 12 and a half hours.

the bastard was spared an evening of industry chicken sadness.

got cuban food for dinner instead.

long story short, it was delicious.

came back to the hotel bar to get drinks with the heads of state.

and sam waterston ( yes sam waterston from law and order) and we make eye contact.

and i look right at him and say, because robots are strong"

he falls out.

the bastard falls out.

and Sam keeps on walking.

totally worth it. I'm the bass player's hero

the bastard wins again

-the bastard

...on linguistics

ithynkaymgonnasaywhatisay.

ah says ay think aym gonna say what aye say when aye say.

st john student sitting behind me. ahhhh air travel

—the bastard

...on a very long days journey into mullets

the first thing the bastard sees as he gets out of the midtown tunnel is the citi building in long island city.

nah, the bastard isn't driving. he's taking the company car service. swanky, innit?

actually, gun show daily's current copy chief, the singer turned me on to this. it let's a bastard get his head screwed on right before the trip.

allthough this kid could stand to turn the heat on perhaps.

—the bastard

...on winterizing

it's been so busy lately, between the move, and the gun show that the bastard hasn't had a chance to start up the bike in almost 2 weeks.

and now it's cold.

and i don't know when i'm going to be able to winterize the fucking thing.

i hope it kicks over when i get back from florida.

yeah, florida. i don't like it either.

—the bastard

here we go again

the bastard landed here in the winter of 2002.

he started going to gun shows in the winter of 2003.

and here we are doing the seventh one.

it's been a long slog for all of us.

less staff.

more responsibility.

more grief.

less to spend.

still moving forward.

the odd thing for me is with all the changes going on around the office that, it's like the bastard has a new crew going down every year.

i just hope it doesn't blow up this time.

it hasn't yet but, who knows how lucky 7 is gonna be.

once more into the breach my friends. mullets ahoy.

—the bastard

...on sundays

that's how the bastard likes his pontiffs. on beer steins

—the bastard

bad lighting

...good drinkin'


last night was chicago jerkface's going away party.

been doing that alot.

you ever get the feeling you wanted to go?

but you ever had the feeling that you wanted to stay.

or perhaps have the feeling that you wanna point the bike west and pin it?

but instead you realize that it's just too damn cold out to hit the i80 this time a year.

but yeah, alot of changes here at the house of dead animals.

least of all my own changes.

oh well.

two more interviews tomorrow. we'll see what we see.

—the bastard