sometimes you get the bull...

... and sometimes you get the horns.

went out with some college folk last night.

not college age folks but folks the bastard went to college with.

and it ended badly for me.

it took all day and I stll haven't gotten my swagger back.

it was a good night though.

—the bastard

...on the bizness

been busy with the business.

more later.

don't like it.

tough.

—the bastard

phone check...

"ring ring"

"ring ring"

"hello?!?"

"phone check."

"whu?"

"hi i was just doing a phone check."

it never mattered if the conversation really continued and sometimes maybe it would have but, every time grandpa got a new phone, he would re enter the numbers into the phone and then proceed to call said family member to make sure he entered it correctly.

he was an interesting fella.

taught me how to row. taught my cousins how to steer a boat in open water. taught most of us how to life a big goddam dock into and out of the harbor.

more often than not, the bastard got out of doing this as the dock became a reality when i was an antisocial teenager and i hid out alot.

but today's father's day and he would have been 86 by now. and he'd still be soing phone checks.

the chairman called up stuck in traffic and we talked about it a bit.

maybe get a family event together for his 10th anniversary of not being on this earth.

the family doesn't get together that much anymore.

at least not without a fuck ton of effort.

but maybe if we do, we could all wear wide brimmed hats to the event.

the man sure did love the sea.

—the bastard

the bastard thinks that today's the day...

...that manhattan will sink into the sea.

i better learn to swim.

—the bastard

...on nonsense

I am full of tragic magic.

I fart ambrosia and my rhymes spit hot fire.

not that I'm rhyming or anything like that

they have constructed pyramids in honor of my escaping.

and I throw a most offensive ice cream social in all the land

—the bastard

...on turning the other cheek

yesterday,

the boy and i went out and about.

apparently, we left his sneakers in kansas city, and his sandals were tore the hell up.

so we went around union square, looking for something for his feet for the next month or so.

so, this homeless man sees me take out the iphone (looking for lunch), and asks for some cash.

i tell him i got nothing.

"nothing"

"hey guy, some homeless guys cleaned out my car a couple a weeks ago, i'm a little bitter about it."

"i can't blame ya for that"

can't blame me to that.

but my feet get a little heavier.

and a little tug on my hand says, "daddy, can i give the man something"

and i stop and remember that this little guy is the culmination of any goodness i ever had in me EVER. and i reach in and grab some change.

and the boy runs down the block and hands it off to the guy. he looks at him, smiles and he looks at me.

done deal.

turned the other cheek. i thanked the boy on the way to lunch and he incredulously asks me why. i told him it was kind of him to remind me to do right sometimes, because i forgot to.

and a woman i used to work with wrote this today because some friends of hers passed away and it reminded me to just fucking pay it forward for a change.

be kind to each other jerks, karma's like a boomerang.

—the bastard

...end of the road

2200 miles.

at least 6 tanks of gas.

over a hundred felled deer across the highway.

2 huge meals of bbq.

1 boy happy to see his dad.

yea, there was a whole lot more and i wrote about it. what do you want, a goddam recap show? either way it was a good roll across half of this nation and i'll doing that again in a month and a half.

yay.

—the bastard

impasse

and we were making such great time.

blockage in the tunnel at allegheny mountain.

dammit!!

—the bastard

the bastard was waiting for this

you know,

it ain't a trip through the heart of this nation,

without some chick tracts.

I have two new ones for you lobster

—the bastard