Monday, October 03, 2005

...on soft targets

when the bastard was an art student on a collision course with disaster, he also moolighted as a grocery clerk on a collision course with colt 45 (every time). i used to work in a large neighborhood store that happened to be the place where many of the bastard's friends (old friends, the kind you read about in books) worked as well. one of them was fred klang. fred was/is the bastards oldest friend. the bastard met fred one august at a party when i was 5 years old. we both had 6 million dollar man action figures and my neighbor was his nephew. this was due to fred's mom having kids later in life. it was rather funny because fred's "nephew" was almost 3 time his age at the time. anyway frd klang worked at the store with me and robbo and the drummer and chuck and a host of others. one night on the loading dock the bastard was complaining about how he couldn't stand that chuck kept bugging him. you see, chuck lived down the block and he was one of the dub's first friends on the block and the dub's first enemy on the block. he was a bully, plain and simple. he was a funny bully which misleads you into thinking he's cool but he was a bully. anyway the bastard is complaining to fred who has a sort of street wisdom that you would get when you've seen alot and drank alot. i told fred that i wanted to cut chuck's tires. i couldn't stand his bullying. fred said to me, that there is nothing more cowardly than anonymously damaging someone's car. "if you got beef, then you need to get in his face about it, not break his car", was what mistuh klang said. it was sage advice.

which brings be to my point. over the weekend, there were several explosions in a touristy section of bali and an al qaeda affiliate has taken responsibility for it. 26 people died. 101 injured. and i thought of what fred said. correlated, is there anything more cowardly than going to a tourist center to blow up tourists? i think so. maybe it's my western conventions that make me think that battles should be fought on a battlefield not at a resort. what the hell do i know? i ended up slashing chuck's tires anyway. and in retrospect it was a cowardly thing to do but at least the bastard didn't blow up a bunch of tourists for what history will show is no good reason. you frikkin cowards.

—the bastard

6 comments:

bigbromofo said...

it took me a few seconds to get the aliases down. i had to laugh with "what the chuck" friut wrapper reference. all that drawing talent and he works at USPS like his pop.

was that teh no-go car.

i thought mr. klang's (may he rest in peace for 23 years now) brother married later in life to produce fred who is 15 years younger then our neighbor the dukes of queens village. who is your fact checker chuck's idiot brother

bigbromofo said...

i guess chuck never knew. well he did more than enough damage to that no-go. more than nra prez alzheimer let my people go pharaoh doid to the actress in palent of teh apes.

next time use a rock to the nose like i did. wait, you were there chasing me around the street you traitor with t schlitz the neck a close second.

bastard central said...

we still call him chuck to this day. it was the nova. the nova he trashed on hollis hills after falling asleep at the wheel. fred was mr klang's brother. their dad remarried and they had fred.

chuck did enough damage to himself in life. karmawise, one could say that you have had revenge for things of the past. but that night, parnell's sister was out when the tires went boom. so i was as good as caught anyway if they spoke. either way there was no ass kicking but chuck did curiously let up after that. maybe his parking lot crate fight with jake a week later mellowed him out.

i don't remember chasing you around after that but then again, we all crave acceptance so i might have. sorry.

—b

bigbromofo said...

he probably exactyed revenge by taking Pop's army issue jacket that i left in my car with teyh windoiw open. he really was a fuck wsnt he.

jimmy3000 said...

Chuck was speaking mad knowledge and you circumvented said mad knowledge by injun them treads plenty. We've all been there.
I still would like to throw a brick through the garage shop in Manhasset of the suckaz who drove an awl my wranglers in front of the train tracks five years ago (I only threaten when I drive Mrs. 3K past the spot) but I should just go in there and call them jive ass turkeys to their face and uprock my way out the door, devistating them old school.

bastard central said...

actually it was fred dat wuz dropping mad science. he wanted me to check mahself b4 i rigidy wreck mahself. straight jacket. yah know what you do the dizzlestatin move? go find that jive sucka that busted your jizeep and rain bricks on his ass, old school kid

—the biz-astard