where's jonny airplanes, special love letter edition

over the weekend, the forever wild bunch met up for our yearly memorial breakfast.

early this year due to jonny airplanes' governmental obligations.

while eating, the bastard was discussing how due to his bringing a shiv in his luggage wherever he goes (come on, you never know who is going to need to be knifed in this country), the transportation safety administration, searches his bag.

also they always leave the bastard a note. it usually reads as follows:

dear bastard,

due to the fact that you've place yet another sharp edged impleeement (they misspell it, government employees and all that) in your rucksack, we had to go through your shit. please accept this little note as a token of our suspiciousness. please also take note that we didb't steal your tequila out of your bag that was wrapped up in your socks (hey, a bastard has to drink you know).

love always,

big brother

so last night, i get a text from jonny airplanes (back in virginia):

"got a love letter"

"from?"

"tsa"

now at this point, i've worked 12 hours so i don't get who tsa is so i text back

"is tsa some chick you met on the plane?"

"in my luggage, tansportation safety assoc"

and then it hits me. i need some sleep.

"made a mess" he finishes up with.

you have to love some of our more federally protected employees. can't even fold his shit up after they look through it. he's out there stealing office supplies for our freedom you know.

—the bastard

where's jonny airplanes? special bonus 3 pack edition

...or on the old shell game

...or on the triangle trade

so the bastard was logging some time down at the croxley last night at the bequest of jonny airplanes. actually it was so we could have a pre birthday drink with the mofo but the mofo never calls me to make plans. i always hear about them third party like. like in this case. jonny airplanes calls the bastard and tells me that we're drinking with the mofo and so it goes.upon reaching the bar the mofo asks me if i've heard from jon. he was supposed to be here at eight.

"he told me to be here for nine. he got off work at eight"

"jesus, i have to work tomorrow" you see, the mofo gets up every day at 5:30 to go down to the tub that used to be a mass grave, that used to be the world trade center.

airplanes arrives and 1 drink in he informs me that i haven't been keeping up with my "where's jonny airplanes" feature that i started earlier this month and he was right. the bastard hasn't been keeping up with all things bastardly. so i called my work voicemail so that i could remind myself. jon asked if he could do the legwork. it goes as follows (along with handy diagram to follow):



"bastard, to set you up with the jonny airplanes catchup you already wrote that i was in virginia, then i flew to cleveland, you tracked it. then back to virginia, then to new york then back to virginia and now i'm back in new york. and by the time you write this shit, i will have gone back to virgina and then i'll be back in new york. then i'll fly back to virginia again and then i'll be back in new york again on the 21st. and there you have it."

"cold war kids, cold war kids, cold war kids, cold war kids and the brakes have a new album out but they're called brakesbrakesbrakes now", says the mofo

"so to clarify i was in virginia, then i flew to cleveland, then back to virginia, then to new york then back to virginia and now i'm back in new york. then, i will go back to virgina and then i'll be back in new york. then i'll fly back to virginia again and then i'll be back in new york again on the 21st. and there you have it."

there you have it indeed.

—the bastard