Friday, March 03, 2006

size up

there's this part in the bourne identity in which bourne is explaining to marie that he can't understand that he doesn't know who he is but he knows the license plate number of all six cars in the lot and that he guy at the bar is 249 pounds and knows how to handle himself in a fight. sizing up, seems to have practical applications everywhere. the bastard prefers to size folks up all the time, saves him the trouble of hassling the 7 foot tall guy who looks like he had a bad day from 100 yards away

so the bastard sees the opportunity to make the 5:13 (bankers hours, my ass. i mean seriously, the bastard sees more of his office in a day than some others see of their workplace in a week). anyway, i get in and the quick seat grab (which is never the best seat grab) is some biscuithead who has a similar build and he's fiddling with his stuff. i sit down running the risk of spinal bifida anyway. sometimes any seat is the best seat. so biscuit starts off with his opening act which is his elbow move. which of course makes me just hunker down further. then i notice he's got his dream theater dvd going into his portable dvd player. now i give the daughter of mawg some slack for listening to dream theater but biscuit, i can no longer take seriously. so i continue my little hunker, the spinal bifeda setting in. no nap for me, it's the ipod. and then i get calm. calm because "flashlight" by parliament funkadelic comes on and i let george clinton calm me down. battles over, cause i got the funk now. and everybody's got a little light under the sun.

after the fact, i get on the horn to the DoM and get voicemail (which is sometimes better) and i inform her that doctor funkenstein has saved this poor fellows life and he will always e in debt to him but never know it. besides, i didn't want the DoM to be th eonly dream theater fan at their next concert. now two people will be there.

—the bastard

12 comments:

mofo said...

I know a couple of dudes that will find their way there, old tower records folk. Figure four or five tops.

mofo said...

A query though; These pics of the LIRR, they are all starting to seem the same, are you using stock footage from "The Shining" to make up for replacing the scene where Edward James Olmos leaves the unicorn for Harrison Ford?

bastard central said...

i'll give them that. looked up some pics. did you know that fabio sings for dream theater?

bastard central said...

i've been taking some seat shots from the windows. some of it is recycled from earlier posts but, you've inspired me, i will have to get a groove on.

directors edit is king.

"it's too bad she won't live but, then again who does" —gaff

bigbromofo said...

i had the first dream theater cd based upon that 8 minute dirge taht was their first song but i returned it to tower for safe keeping.

again the references are too archaic for the three out of five people that read this blog. the shining does not have Olmos and Ford in it, but you might be talking baout blade runner 27th edit.

bigbro mofo

bigbromofo said...

mofo

the lirr goes through the industrial sections of hollis, qv and jamaica. there are no ansel adams shots until you get into kew gardens and forest hills but by then the train has picked yp speed blurring the photo.

dub plat

bigbromofo said...

i assume that means PM and you made the hicksville change at jamaica. using my csi techniques that the walk from park / 33 to 7th / 33 takes 20 minutes or so means bastard got out between 4:30 and 5 (elevator time not included).
Also you are on the train in the morning while I have built three stories of a building that day (7AM ish) to arrive by 9AM at the office.

when you rise at 4:30AM to leave by 5:15 to drive 37 miles and work from 6AM to 4PM and the enter the belly of the beast on the way home (deegan / fdr / batt tunnel / gowanus) for a funfilled 1 1/2 teh I will stop equating your time to bankers hours.

super naut

bastard central said...

if a train leaves chicago at 8 am moving east at 25 miles and and a second train leaves boston going west at 50 miles an hour, which one will tell you to shut the fuck up about who works what hours and who's got it harder and all that. i didn't make you make the choice you have made over your lifetime and i never asked you to make mine. call me up some night next january at about 10 PM and ask the bastard how comfy his "bankers hours" are. i'm done listening to this from you.

olmos and ford weren't in the shining but at the end of the original theatrical edit of blade runner, they used stock footage from the opening 10 minutes of the shining to illustrate deckard whisking sean young away to the north.

bigbromofo said...

calm down bastard. have some java and chill with your ipod and p funk.

dub plat

bigbromofo said...

by teh way thanks for the fed ex. do you have any TOH or did you send them al to bunson honeydew?

Dub vila plat

bastard central said...

i am calm about this. i am speaking from an earlier incident with someone else who seems to think that i have it "easy" because i don't do heavy lifting and i grow weary of having to justify my career path against other peoples bullshit litmus test. i will not discuss it further.

bastard central said...

i don't bring anything back to the queens outpost unless in occurs to me to bring sdomething home to the shrink (NAMING CONVENTION). i think i have a current issue somewhere but, i haven't thought to bring anything home. the RS i sent you guys was a long time coming. funny thing for me was that after i sent everythin, i found this month's RS under my bag. so much for efficiency