...on the b list

...and other musings under the shadow of the chrysler building

i'm to meet larry lah at grand central and his lady for dinner and then perhaps some drinks, and then perhaps i fall down. didn't work out som much. i got there early and grabbed a smoke. yes, the bastard has been smoking lately. being a man in transit is a solitary boring existence so i took up with old hobbies. keeps me from throttling people too. anyway lah gets in 5 minutes after me but i'm outside, in effing flavor country and it always astounds me how people do the hand wave around smokers. now to be fair i used to do it to the shrink when i was a kid, and i had even more disdain when he sent me to the store to buy him a carton at....hmmm....i'll go with the age of 12 this week. anyway i got over that and now i smoke because i want to find the coolest way to kill myself. but i find that people do the stink wave not at the smell of the cigarette but at the sight of it. almost like a nod to how they feel more superior for hating cigarettes. long tangent, i'll move on.

lah and i head out of grand central because when he's early, he likes to scope out where he eats and he asks me

"so how do you feel about robbo's news"

"his what?"

"you didn't get the text message?"

"the what?"

"his wife had the baby and sent a bunch of us a text message"

"really? didn't get it. i guess it wasn't a priority what with having a new baby and all." i shrug, light up and look at japanese restaurant menus on lexington avenue

i've long suspected that i was what you call a "b-list friend" to a lot of my friends. also known as a "second tier" friend or "that guy you call up to hang out when your cool friends are otherwise occupied". it happens. it's the nature of things. and i'm ok with it. i mean hell, my only a-lister has been the nice lady for the last 16 years and with our marriage coming to a close, it puts things in perspective on who's going to call you back last saturday night after i left you a message and you know exactly who you are. i think bruce springsteen said it once that he was a pessimist so that when things don't work out, he wouldn't get disappointed. i'm more of a realist, life happens people get busy and everyone's got their own shit to shovel on this rock. i'm just shovelling my own without an a-list.

congrats on the new baby robbo and bird lady. hope he grows up to throw paint like his namesake. see ya when i see ya.

—the bastard