i don't know if the bastard has ever told you this but...

...i loves the smell of a man who smells like whiskey in the morning. oh yeah, when i gets on that morning train, there's nothing the bastard likes better than standing next to a guy who spent the last 15 to 20 years of his life having whiskey for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. it gets into your pores and when you break a sweat, you smell like a cross between a bottle of glenlivet that has been left out in the sun and like you've been bathing in a bathtub full of nighttrain. i tell you it TURNS ME ON. whew, i so have to find a way to bottle that scent. it sooooooooo attracts the ladies. i tell you, it's a love that dare not speak it's name.

...on logistics and jackboots

well here's a fresh one. the escalator is out and bastard is late already. oh well, what's a few more minutes. there's some opie-esque policeman playing the jackboot while his smooth latin partner plays the easy going cop. i love good cop, bad cop. it's one of my favorite things from television that has bled into the real world. hell, i like the fact that someone from the NYPD had the sense of humor to partner these guys together. it's like watching an episode of CHiPs.

so my first thought as jackboot john is screaming "get to the back of the line!" at the top of his lungs is "wow, what a lineup". i never seemed to get weary of the kids in the hall flying pig sketch. but, while john screams, ponch is at the back of the line, being smooth.

So eventually the line moves in it's own slow little fashion all the while, john yells for us all to stay in line like good little commuters. john then yells, "if you don't stay in line then you aren't going to get to work on time!".

"we already ain't gonna get to work on time!", shouts a disembodied voice. the crowd laughs, a fight breaks out upstairs, somehow an enormous woman in an MTA uniform breaks it up while singing some of aretha franklin's lesser known hits and all is right in the world. now get to work shiteyes!

—the bastard