...on time travel

so i took some free advice and took a slow roll into the office today. had the presence of mind to hit the snooze button because hell, the bastard needs to take it easy. the editor is in montana this week apparently hunting the sasquatch (you know his legend's real) or nessie or whatever it is roams the land up there. i guess they have a good arrangement. anyway, i digress. i roll out late and i'm finding that no matter how hard i try to come in late, i'm still in on time. i'm only late when i'm actually running late and want to get to work in a hurry. it's kind of like some kind of reverse psychology time travel thing i travel in when the bastard doesn't give a crap about the time. go figure.

...on beverages and hold ups

so today's the day where i buy the new pound of coffee for the bastard's coffee maker. can't stand the crap they have for free in the office and i always need my coffee. you know, to prevent murders from occuring in the office. in front of me on line is a man with one of those blind guy canes (the bastard can't think of a more diplomatic way of putting that. reeeeeeeeaaaaaaalllll smooth) and when it's his turn he hands the counter girl a note and after the help passes it back and forth several times to decifer it, they start to make his drink. my turn comes and i ask, "did the note say, this is a robbery?"

"huh"

"the note"

"oh no it didn't.....................um........oooooh......huh huh huh"

don't worry deary, i know it's early. have some coffee. you DO work in a coffee shop and all.

—the bastard