Wednesday, April 11, 2007

...on animals

...or on blind magazine items

so there is this company that bought us. they also bought a company 2 years back that had alot of fishing magazines and boating magazines and they also bought a very posh, very award winning food magazine that we will just call posh food (or maybe pompous food, the bastard might feel the need to toggle once in a while). anyway, posh food was removed from their new york offices and moved to florida and now they are moving them back to new york. in the meantime, while posh food's posh offices are being renovated downtown so that they can no doubt have a posh kitchen to cook posh things and live poshly.

anyway, until their no doubt very fabulous offices are done being constructed, they are here. in the not so posh, dead animal head ridden offices of killing stuff monthly and her sister book killing stuff and winning ASME's. and we have tons of heads here. we have more creatures hangng on display than the museum of natural history and if we could fit it in here, we'd get that fucking whale in here too if someone would just head out into open water and kill it. well there you have it. the bastard wants oneof the editors to run right out and kill a whale, you know, just ot round out the collection. any takers?

so today is the day that the posh food staff comes in and decides to wander around the area. they kind of look like a very well off group of the living dead. or perhaps really wrinkly clones of helen gurley brown but, you get the picture.

"oh my god. did you see that head hanging there?'

"that's disgusting"

"isn't that disgusting?"

"oh disgusting"

"oh my god, look at the wall, is that a wolf?"

"well i never"

you know what? and you never will.

a fascinating thing i find about folks in my industry (magazines, not killing shit, i haven't gone postal quite yet) is the elitism that sometimes comes wrapped in hypocrisy. yes, there are alot of dead animals on the premises. posh food is a magazine that writres about cooking dead animals. i read it. i ahevn't come across their all vegan issue quite yet. so the bastard has to wonder, what's more disgusting, killing a deer, or an ibex, or a boar quickly and accurately and hanging it on the wall, or shoving a funnel down a live gooses throat and shoving food into it's gut until it can fit no more so you can get the a piece of foid gras big enough to choke a horse (which of course you might want to do by sticking a funnel down a horses throat and stuffing it with foid gras....yeah, that's disgustin'). but you get the idea. either way, i get the feeling that they won't be inviting us over for high tea anytime soon.

—the bastard

7 comments:

Rob S. said...

2 Posh 2 B 4 Given

bastard central said...

i'm just bummed that i won't be invited over for high tera

bastard central said...

i mean high tea!. i don't know anyone named tera

Anonymous said...

High tea? That rhymes with P, that stands for Pool. Which is where I will drown my horse, slowly, before eating it. Silly! Food comes from styrofoam containers, not animals.

Rob S. said...

I eat every styrofoam container I kill.

The Mad Russian said...

It's amazing how similar both magazines are, because after some global-warming-induced droughts, hungry people will storm the zoos and wildlife preserves looking for food. And those people with guns that the wealthy hired to protect the animals?....well....they'll be hungry too. And after the animals are gone?....soylent green stupid. Mmmmmm.....naked mole rats. Love, Sunshine

bastard central said...

actually, i hang all of the soylent greens i kill on the wall. oh wait, we call it harvesting in the hunting community