...on the fhills

...or on local crap

so a few months back the local overpriced dry cleaner closed it's doors and construction started. one day the chairman, informed me that they were building a 7-11 over there. we think "sweet". now when it occurs to me, i can get my hands on corndogs and slurpees at 3am. actually, i was thinking that when i need a gallon of milk, i didn't have to go to the not so convenient store by my apartment that never has milk on a friday (there is no goddam reason the bastard has to buy a can of evaporated milk for his morning coffee). so i think good. the chairman on the other hand sees the obvious convenience of having a place he could float into in the middle of the night in his white suit riding in a carriage pulled by two sacks of money to buy late night whatnot. win/win, i say.

but the fhills says otherwise. according to another local (who alerted the chairman that we have our own adidas shoe named after our area, take that, team zissou, the community met with the local 7-11 owners who own another down the road a piece. locals bitched about 3am trucks and those omnipresent bored white kids (the chairman and i rate their graffiti as a 9.5 on the wackness scale) that haven't reached driving age and one commentor called for a boycott (to be fair there was only one commentor). and the bastard had a thought, "damn now you folks are gonna have to act like a neighborhood now, won't you?"

OK QUICK SIDEBAR: i mean look at this from the bastard's perspective, on my side of the ave, i have this annoying restaurant that keeps me from getting to bed. the locals don't boycott that place. no one in my area really likes the racket, or the smell of their garbage, or the landlady for that matter but it stays open. oh, i left out the garbage trucks that come at all hours, making a racket, stinking up the place. it's a necessary evil. someone has got to pick up the local business' trash. no matter how stinky it is. then we have the police. the police that does nothing about public nuisances in the area. in the case of my pet peeve, the owner of the restaurant bought them a horse and they not only turn a blind eye, they give him a placard so he can park illegally. he isn't a cop. why does he have cop perks? what the fuck? what the fucking fuck?

but the bastard digresses, yes that means that the neighborhood has to act like a neighborhood now. if you don't want the riff raff around, call the cops. if it's your kid, get in his/her business. if it's your neighbors kid, get in his business. when the bastard was young and kicking the dirt, i had a local father who knew my every move because he drove a cab in my hood. rather then rat me out to my dad, he would ask me why i was cutting school on such and such day, or why was i calling a cab at 4am or somesuch and yeah, it was a pain in the ass. but it kept me out of trouble. so i put it to you schmucks. if you don't like the riff raff, do something about the riff raff. do not squash local business, it's not like their going to replace it with a nice italian restaurant (like we need another one of those in the area). cause i not only call bullshit on boycotting the place, i'm gonna get me a frikkin' slurpee.

—the bastard