father christmas

you know, the last few years, the bastard was enamored with the idea of being sardonic this time of year. but this afternoon, i was in a big rush.

really for nothing actually. have you ever had that feeling that you were way behind?

and you ran your ass through the shower?

and then ripped up your face to get shaved?

and flew down the way in your car to get to your ladyfriend's house?

only to get to the mouth of the midtown tunnel in 5 minutes and realize that you were going to be 40 minutes early?

yeah. me too.

anyway, being early, and hungry, the bastard walked across the street from my ladyfriend's to grab a slice of pizza.

i always hated working on christmas and i really felt for the guys behind the counter. felice navidad was playing on a busted radio behind the counter and i thanked them for the slice.

across from me was a busted up looking fella who was eating hi slice and he raised it to me stating tht this was the best pizza. and the bastard concured looking up. he had a stoma in his throat.

he had to speak to me by covering the hole in his throat.

he told me this was his third slice.

then he lit up a cigarette and went outside.

when he came in he told me he had throat cancer and that while he shouldn't smoke but, it made him feel somehow alive. he put on his green flannel trench coat shook my hand and wished me a merry christmas. i thought of bob.

then i thought of my year.

and how it's been great.

and how it's been hard won.

and how i feel lucky.

and then i thought of the kinks song father christmas.

because i thought about how much it must suck to have a tube in your throat.

and how mush it must suck to have nothing and no one on christmas.

and i felt glad that despite all of it, it turned out okay for me.

Have yourself a merry merry christmas
Have yourself a good time
But remember the kids who got nothin
While youre drinkin down your wine

merry christmas jerks. be glad for what you have

—the bastard