Thursday, May 22, 2008

...on hoopties

...and other fly whips

back when the bastard used to work for the grocery store, we used to work with this kid who also sold crack on the side.

yes, he really did sell crack on the side.

i won't mention his name, he was paranoid enough as it is. if he still walks the earth, he's probably still watching his back.

the bastard might as well tell you, he wasn't the first crack dealer i worked in a grocery store with. i can mention julian's name though. why? because he met with an unfortunate end in an abandoned building in the south bronx. they found him face down and i sure hope someone is raising the kid we used to steal formula from the store for.

but i digress, my first dealer friend drove around in a huge buick which he called his hooptie.

how did i know this?

well it said on the side of this busted up buick in silver letters, "my hooptie", please try to keep up.

anyway, i haven't thought about him in a while until last saturday while i was going to the bank and i saw this driving down metropolitan avenue:

and all the bastard could think was, did he one day roll into a body shop and say, "hey, i'd really like a half naked samarai chick on the side of my hooptie. i think it would be a message to all of the other otaku kids in the hood that I AM. that i give 110 percent in all of my dealings in the community."

funny thing, and maybe it's because i just don't understand but it actually said "christ, what an asshole" to me. but what do i know?

—the bastard


jonny airplanes said...

What about your cannon wounded benz? If that didn't jump out and say hey, nothing will.

bastard central said...

well maybe i should have put a half naked samurai chick on the side to divert attention away from the hole in the front end

i sure do miss that car