Sunday, June 13, 2010

pants are off…

did the bastard ever tell you about the groom who forgot his pants?

so this idiot who lives in lower manhattan gets mArried in brooklyn.

and when he gets to brooklyn, he drops off his bride so that she could get her makeup done at the place.

and he heads back to the hotel to get collected.

get dressed.

get married.

only when he gets ready to get dressed he realizes that he left his pants in manhattan.

what kind of idiot leaves his pants behind?

oh I could tell you but that would be telling.

anyway, this goofball gets in his car and does the Dakar rally all the way back home.

nearly rolls his little sub compact onto the sidewalk.

let's just say he did.

sounds better.

gets the pants right where he left them, on the bathroom door.

and does the Dakar rally again only,

it's rush hour now.

and he needs to get to the Brooklyn bridge

and to the hotel

to change.

so here this mook is having the rarest conversation he ever had.

"ok god, I don't like you and you don't like me but, I gotta get to the church on time".

terrifies me

church on time

puts my faith in god and man.

anyway, back at the hotel in which this dope manages to get to the hotel with time.

gets dressed

gets a cab.

and then he gets to the place in time to marry the hell out of the most tolerant women he's met in quite sometime.

and the next day,

he turned 40.

puts my faith in modern love.

—the bastard


Rob S. said...


Glad you made it! And congrats again, sir.

I brought the wrong suit to a wedding (in Baltimore) a number of years ago. Had to rush out to Target or Wal-Mart to get pants on a Sunday morning, since the suit that fit (as opposed to a suit that fit in high school) wasn't retrievable. And then, in the hall, Kathy is on her hands and knees pinning these pant legs (too long for a shorty like me) and I'm introducing her to some of my friends for the first time, which she didn't really appreciate.

Finally, the wedding goes off, and the first thing I say to the newly-minted bride? "I've got new pants!"

I'm all class.

Anyway, congratulations! I've got new pants!

bastard central said...

i was just glad to make it through the rush hour with time to get dressed