Monday, August 22, 2005

on belated presents

So after my stellar site seeing mission on austin street with curse word tank top wearing tweens, i moved on to dinner. dinner was steak. the bastard likes steak and he likes it rare. it's tasty that way. you don't need to season it with frikkin A1 or anything else. maybe a little salt but that's it. the meat stands on its own when its rare. kind of like when you get pizza with topping on it. if you need to add to it then the sauce on the pizza is suspect. same with steak. if you need to add sauce, then your situation, for you is suspect and can be concurrently improved by ordering the chicken heretofore. go on, do it stupid! anyway, robbo and the bird lady bought me this nice rubberband pistol (its a smith and wesson 1911!) so that i can smite my enemies. well not smite and not really enemies (set bowel disruptor to prolapse). but i did bring it to work and i did attempt to fire it while sliding my chair across the cube. i was extended over my chair when the chair was stopped by a box and i fell down. i didn't fool anyone. the bastard made a loud thud and i missed my target. i followed up by standing on my desk and fired 3 rounds into the photo editor's cubicle. good thing that the editor is out of the office this week. good times. ain't we lucky we got em.

—the bastard

9 comments:

Paramendra Bhagat said...

I am a little confused. Who is the bastard? Is that a reference to yourself in third person?

http://www.geocities.com/swapnbiz

bastard central said...

i am and i toggle between first and third at my discretion. no offense bhagat but, of all of the blogs that you belong to, must you leave the link with your business credentials on it?

—b

bigbromofo said...

hey A1 bastard

I can rememeber teh days tha tyou slavered everything in A1. Now you just use salt. Don't fuzzy up the past just like the fusion thing a few episodes ago.

hey is that a dot spammer. he left his photo lets get him.

Big Bro mofo

bastard central said...

dub,

what i used to do and what i now do are two different animals. when i was a kid i slathered shit in condiments. when you were a kid you used to chase me out of your room with a chair. does that make you any less of a host nowadays? then again i think dad did mention that you chased him out of your house with a credenza last tuesday night. now that my friend is a quality fabrication. put that in your pipe and smoke it.

—bastard

yes our man did leave a spamminsh address but, his profile reveals a lot of blogging. so i'll leave it for now. if it contines, i remove it. plain and simple

bigbromofo said...

no pipe, no smoke, no credenza. and there was usually a good reason for the chair.

dub plat - big bro mofo

bastard central said...

apples and oranges

bigbromofo said...

steak and potatoes

bastard central said...

mmmmmmmmm. steak.

bigbromofo said...

watch it homer