Tuesday, August 30, 2005

playing both sides

or...on one sided scheiß

so the nice lady brings home a stray dog last night. nice dog. quiet dog. well behaved dog. started listening to us right off the bat. i like that in a dog. 2 weeks ago, the nice lady was at the dog run in forest park with the lowe and his dog (no the skink didn't really eat her). these kids show up with a stray and the man who runs the dog run says, i'll take care iof her. the kids want to take her home. so they do. here we are 2 weeks later and the dog is back and is stray again. so the nice lady calls up and asks if we can bring her home for the night until we figure out what to do with her.

dog comes home, and i'm digging her. very nice, doesn't bark which i'm a little leary about but she's been out on the streets, i'd keep my voice down too if i was homeless. they have a pound for humans as well and it's called fort washington. it's a kill shelter too in a fashion. a kill shelter is a place where they put dogs and if no one adopts them, they get destroyed. the lowe specifically got his dog from a kill shelter because he wanted more than a dog, he wanted to save a life. kinda noble. don't tell him i said so, i'll frikkin kill ya. so i tell the nice lady, we should keep her. she likes you and the boy will like her. turns out, he does. he spent all this morning laying on her with his stuffed black dog that the daughter of mogh gave him for christmas one year. sure, it's difficult to have a dog in an apartment but we'll manage, we could save her life too. we just have to tell the landlord.

the landlord thinks otherwise. no sooner did the nice lady tell him that his eyes got smaller and his jaw got firmer and i would imagine he put his bestest sternest stutter on and he said no. we could keep her for a few days but no, she has to go. the bastard's wife is heart broken. doesn't know why we live here anymore. i'm sad too. she would have been a nice addition to our little family. thing that gets me is, the neighbors have a cat. and yeah, i know, cat's don't wreck apartments blah blah blah. bullshit. this cat was snuck in by thing2 under the pretense that her man had left it with her and then suddenly there was no man but there was a cat. then she told the landlord about the cat weeks later. a nasty lazy hissing cat. and every summer, she makes the whole world smell like cat pee. it sucks. and it's one sided and it's unfair. now i'm upset.

—the bastard


Anonymous said...

the daughter of mogh it truly pissed--

i'd talk to the landlord again, and bring up the smelly cat, which has probably destroyed thing1 and thing2's floor--bring up that dog's go OUTSIDE, and not in a sandbox that could double as a toxic waste dump--

there's a no kill by me in Flushing called Animal Haven, which is probably full, but you could check into it--although i'd rather hope that you get to keep her--i'm sorry--i've had two animals in my life that i've rescued--one died last summer, which still stings, and the other i still have--you can see why i'm pissed.

send me a picture of her if you can, and i'll pass it around here at work to see if i can help--

the klingon blood is on fire--i feel a battle coming on


bastard central said...

i sent him an e-mail. on how some animals are more equal than others. i think that there iwll be a story and the story will run here. if i'm going down, i'll give it to the internet whre every asshole gets to have an opinion. hah hah hah hah. i'm making gravy without the lumps baby!! bad is good! down with government. yeah baby yeah!

—the bastard

bastard central said...

DoM the bastard likes that

mofo said...

Pure Ridiculousness! (Not a word but that's how ridiculous this situation is.
Oh, and by the way, Lowe (A.K.A. Master of Hobbies), he said you did something noble.

bastard central said...

you better shut up stupid!

jimmy3000 said...


Two things you need to do.
1) Call the Board O’ Health, tell them to send down a couple of Leprechauns with Shillelagh bats and Shamus that coven off the good Isle.

2) Blast some Thin Lizzy: Nothing puts Trixies in their place like “Jail Break”

Lather, rinse and repeat mutha fuck-ah.
-Malcom X

Anonymous said...

j3k is right--i think a nice threat of a call to the board of health for

a) the cat and

b) the crap

might make having a dog on an apartment with the nice lady and the boy seem not so bad--

or i could start sharpening the b'at'leth--


bastard central said...

thank you DoM, no b'at'leths required.

1)actually, i didn't need thin lizzy last night licorice (which is the dogs name now), finally made a sound at 1:30 when she barked at the neighbors when the came in making a racket. needless to say, they quieted down.

2) i'm still waiting for the email response but i don't think its coming. not that it would help the cause any.

3) tonight there's gonnabe a jailbreak. somewhere in this town.

4) do macy's tell gimbels mothafucka. i just wanted to put that in. it's not the least bit relavent to this thread i just enjoy deep cover

—the bastard