Thursday, August 11, 2005

trixies, wizards, and stews...oh my

so finally i can finish up the travel blog with the flight home. the bastard and son were given two tickects outta dodge via phoenix. we were in tucson but it was cheaper to fly out of phoenix and besides we get more roadtrip out of it. so it's fun, in theory but i always get ansty when the nice lady and i go our separate ways and i was absolutely awful to everyone due to my crabbiness. but the nice lady still gave me a kiss at the airport lucky bastard that i am (and i am). sky harbor airport is very laid back and security was much more lax than new york has been. you still have to take off your shoes (thank you richard reid) but, the staff is much nicer about it, almost playful. it's not like kennedy where low paid nazis yell at you to leave as you are putting your luggage in the car to get into your parents car to go home (message to security, the 35 year old with the 5 year old doesn't have the bomb and for that matter the shit will not, i repeat WILL NOT go down in the drop off/pick up area. the guy with the bomb is on the plane already because you chuckleheads can't profile anyone so you hassle folks that don't fit the profile so the politically correct don't sue your already underpaid ass).

anyway, we get to the airport and get on the plane. the boy an di get into the first row. you see, southwest does seating on a first come first serve way and i have a child with me so i make pre boarding fun. the boy is a little ticked that i grabbed the front row because he wanted a tray to rest his big boy drink on so he can act all adult like. i apologized thinking that i want off of this thing as soon as we touch down at the transfer in chi-town. i heard their airport is big and i don't want to have to play running man with a five year old. trip goes off like clock work. we land in chicago and our gate is right across the street from where we are totally sweet! we settle in and get some macdonalds. then we had to return to macdonalds because i forgot to pick up our drinks. time was growing short and i discovered that the boy likes people movers because he likes to stand still on them and watch the world move. i wasn't ready for this so i had to adjust to not rushing across a people mover.

things were much more interesting at midway. the second city has a species called trixies here. now jerkface told me about the lincoln park trixies (he's from illinois) a while back but i had never seen them in the wild. i didn't know it was one of them until trixie one started going on about how she cried so much during season six of sex in the city and then i knew. i knew i had finallly spotted one of these creatures in their natural habitat. quickly i scrambled to write this little incident down because i forget things all of the time in the short term. anyway, i've always found the sex in the city fan fascinating but them again they are kind of lke the seinfeld fan. they reference the show all the time. not that i don't quote TV swhows, the nice lady will tell you that (simpsons, family guy, put show or movie title here). but they not only reference the show, they kind of live by it which for my friends who are dating find unendurable. new york has become this dating landscape of folks channeling bloody sarah jessica parker (you ever notice how much she looks like a drag queen?). they live by the show, kind of like trekkies? hmmm maybe theirs something there. only sex in the city fans would rather wear manolo blaniks than wear the red shirt.

as we're waiting for the flight to board the boy is asking me questions about air travel and as i answer him i notice that this woman is sitting down with her laptop and i scowling at my son every time he opens his mouth. eventually she bangs up the volume on her dvd to drown out our voices and i think, "what a jerk, it's not like the boy is shouting, we're just chatting, hey waitaminute, isn't she watching a harry potter movie on her iBook?" then it struck me ironic, this woman who cleary is scorning my child is watching a childrens movie. it reminded me of this time i was in an ice cream shop with the nice lady and the male couple in front of us on line were complaining (really really meanly) about the children IN AN ICE CREAM SHOPPE. maybe they weren't ready for children....oop...maybe they didn't have a uterus. and i thought maybe this woman was barren (yeah, i said that) or just not ready for muggle children that don't school themselves at hogwarts. asshole.

ok, this s sttarting to run long. long story short, the flight from chicago had a blown engine header, we had to move a different plane. the bastard left his glasses on the old plane and boy and i had to airport chase scene over to the old terminal to get the glasses and the plane had already pulled out. the kind and very chicagoesque staff (ditka!) at ATA helped get my glasses back by passing them into the cockpit of the plane we were on. all praise to the ATA people. they know all about customer service because i would have told me to go to hell. anyway, landed at laguardia on 3 wheels which is the standard operating procedure there (landing there is spooky) and the rents took me home where i worked to jet lag.

—the bastard


jimmy3000 said...

I always thought Sarah Jessica Parker looked more like the Russian folk monster Baba Yaga

Peace out mah krackaz!

bastard central said...

well played 3000. let's do a comparison. here's the baba yaga again

and we already know what sjp looks like.

bigbromofo said...

i ma missing the trixie page in my bastardo / mofoian to english dictionary. what is meant by a trixie? Is that just a vapid female who thinks that if they copy the style on TV the dream man will show up or if we live like they live in friends tha twoiuld be so cool.

double platinum track 18

bastard central said...


no i will NOT c'mon adn love you. that's just creepy i would need alot of track 19 in order to even consider that kind of crap and i would still come up with ewwwwwwww.

to clarify a trixie or a lincoln park trixie is the second city equivalent of a ny fashionista, only worse. while a fashionista can be vapid, they can be kind, just well dressed. not so for the trixie and they all drive monstrous SUVs because no self respecting cultural elitist in chicago takes the train in chicago. it's for "poor" people. it's just a very little known pocket of elitism from a city that most new yorkers tend to regard as new york jr. (that's right i'm channelling the king of bay ridge, jerkface [long story dub]). so that in a nut shell is a trixie.


bigbromofo said...


i got my tracks messed up. you are correct: track 19 is the song you want to hear, i said what song do you want to hear ....awright!

Alive II - Big Bro Mofo

bastard central said...

what you need to run is from alive 1. this one is for the daughter of maug from the kingon hockey team.

"how many people here like to take a tasta aaaaaaallllllllkahhaaaaaaaaaal"

—you know it always wins

bigbromofo said...

i might have to. i think i slipped into freebird moment with what song is it you want to hear? sorry stanley and chaim

dub plat