Thursday, December 08, 2005

full head of steam


chugga chugga chugga
"we don't have a roadmap yet? she had all day. she promised us a map this morning. now i have a train to catch" the bastard goes and hits the ground running. 10 minutes before an elevator brings me down to earth.

chugga chugga chugga
"dammit, i'm going to get shin splints from doing this. the front of the bastard's shin scream out as he motors away.

chugga chugga chugga
if that chucklehead with the heat miser hairdo in front of the strip club sticks another flyer in my face and calls me "big guy" one more time, i swear to christ i'm going to pull out the steel, fish hook him in the mouth, and drag him down to penn with me.

chugga chugga chugga
damn! the station's crowded i have 4 minutes. time to play pinball, god i hate this place. it's so full of road blocks and idiots. "hey you! you! the one who keeps trying to nudge me on his way to the platform going to speonk! if you EVER get near me again, if i ever SEE you again, i will kick you to the curb and make you wish you never left your mother's womb!" trust me the bastard will be looking for him tonight.

chugga chugga chugga
BING BONG "there has been a track change. the hempstead train will be platforming at track 21. there has been a track change. the train to hempstead will be platforming at track 21." what seems like 5000 angry people on track 13 phalanx their way onto the stairs. the bastard sees someone lose their cool with a middle aged lady or did she lose her cool with him? just breathe old man, just fucking breathe."

Sssssssssssssssssss
finally a seat, the bastard goes into full crumple and, "hey man do you really have to sit down across from me and crunch your potato chips? yeah you, legs akimbo with the bulky coat. close your legs pal. what do you keep a bloody grapefruit in there, come on. if i can sit like a reasonable human, you can." at least if the 25 girls from suburbia sat next to me all i'd have to put up with is constant chattering instead of this jerk chewing his tater chips like it's so much cud. i know i shouldn't get back into the book, it's too damn depressing, the protagonist just came from his wife's funeral and found out she dies while cheating on him while he was in prison. i gotta do something to keep from having to look at cud boy here. oh wait, the dead wife comes to visit him, they talk, he says good bye, she leave a trail of dirt on her way out of the hotel room. the protagonist and his one eyed boss are in chicago now. oh shit, i think our hero is working for odin, some old friend of his just called him wotan. finally, all of that norse mythology has paid off. oh, trains finally moving. it's nice to finally make some progress.

—the bastard

11 comments:

bigbromofo said...

i see you are not taking this commuting thing well.

chill! you must chill!!!

hey were has mofo been?

o come o ye mofo place a blog on the blogspot

dub plat and all that

bastard central said...

commuting is never good when you actually HAVE to be somewhere.

i do chill, that's why i write. i don't have your gift for internal explosions. it was more about the sound effects than the rage allthough left hand rob loves the rage. loves it.

the book however is really good

bigbromofo said...

try driving 27 miles a day one way and having three all news station not be able to expalin why there is traffic on the road I amd on but can tell me how the roads through NJ are. try that for 4 years and tell me tha tyou wouldnt enjoy having the luddite surbanites snoring next to you.

dub plat

bastard central said...

you see this? this is the world's smallest violin playing just for you (just kidding). dude you have to find a better way to commute to work hoss. i know that there isn't and one day i will realease my transportation plan for staten island but that's not for today

bigbromofo said...

trains service is teh answer and a connection to either lower manhattan of brooklyn (via the bridge). i know most of the residents feel we are above our quota on mavroes so connetcing a subway to bring more is not in their plans.

bigbromofo said...

i lent you that fiddle after i played it reading your blog about the miscreants you meet on the lirr.

dub plat

bastard central said...

don't cry for me sweety and like i said, i will one day release my transportation plan for staten island. the one that inviolves alot of dynamite. mmmmmmmmmmdynalicious

bigbromofo said...

no blowing up the bridge now osama

dub plat

bastard central said...

i didn't say anything about bridges dub. i was thinking of using it for the richmondtown chunnel. just kidding

bigbromofo said...

no loop no tunnel or no place for christmas eve

dub plat and the greenbelt

bastard central said...

please don't twist my arm or i'll be spending my holiday with a pack of smokes and a bottle of tequila playing xbox.

—b