Monday, January 16, 2006

suburbia can't seem to let a bad trend go

...or how the bastard loves the freakshow that is suburbia

In the high school halls
In the shopping malls
Conform or be cast out

a long ways ago, seems like a different lifetime ago, the bastard and the nice lady took a triip to boston with some friends. the ultimate goal was to see the red sox play the yankees in fenway park. while we were out and about that weekend, the bastard saw his first urban outfitters. i bought a used mexican dress shirt and went on my way. those of you who don't know what an urban outfitters is, it's essentially a trendy store to buy trendy clothes and is usually located in trendy neighborhoods. when i want to watch the throngs of suburban knuckle draggers in their natural habitat, i go to the mall. also the bastard seems to be able to find crap in his size there too, so i win twice in this situation. anyway, a year or 3 ago, the local mall (and it isn't all that local) opened up an urban outfitters. the bastard's passing thought was now that there's one of these (and a hot topic, "the walmart for goths" for that matter) then it's only a matter of time until all of long island turns into a cartoon of williasburg hipness and that by and large is a cartoon as well.

so the nice lady and i take alittle day trip to the seventh concentric circle of hell shopping mall and among things we were discussing was something about a perfume that mama ruth gave her for christmas. she take sme into sephora to let me in on it. the bastard likes to know this stuff so go to hell or keep reading. anyway, as we walk in i see dumpy little suburban preteens, hundreds of them wearing ugg boots. now as we see here, these little gems are about as aesthetically appealing as earth shoes and fucking birkenstocks. and while the people that see and need to be seen rock them, they are not some poor dumpy little girl from long island.

the bastard feels that it is hard enough for teenagers to grow up in today's over marketed and image conscious society. it's even moreso for girls. and even more moreso for awkward girls who don't exactly look good in this god awful footwear. besides, the bastards sources tell him that these shoes went out with lindsay lohan's breasts already.

what the bastard finds fascinating is how suburbia has become this incredible backwater that keeps dead trends alive in an island of misfit toys kind of way. when the mofo came in from fortress purgatory this christmas, i had asked him as we meandered our way through this land that time forgot and i asked him how it was down there. his reply was, it's pretty much the same, only in florida. it makes the bastard wonder how long i have to look at these awkward kids try and impress each other into oblivion. i can probably transpose the same speech for the kids from hot topic as well but, i have sleep to catch up on.

—the bastard

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