Thursday, February 23, 2006

this just in...

...fat digerati people are too dumb to walk around you.


so the bastard is fresh off his latest drunken misadventure with scoop, mistress of the mayhem, and decides t sleep it off. i had a networking thing i went to last night downtown nad it was good times but all good times come to an end and right before i leave i get the text from scoop

I meAt some 1 who payy for driny buu i h8

long story short, i head uptown to meet up with her and friends and i believe a bucktoothed man from new zealand thought i was a blackhawk pilot and wanted to sit on my lap. then he called me an asshole and eventually, the ponce was on his way. the bastard gets home from this and decides, "two words...late train" "two more words...egg sammich".

anyway the late train is not a sleepy train because you need to be conscious to transfer. so on the platform at jamaica i wait to meet my connection (i love that fucking stones song) and i get bumped by some fat man with a wireless headset. no scuse me, no nothing. now the bastard stands on the yellow line on platforms in hopes that one day he'll fall asleep at the righ tmoment and meet with a quick end so this fat chucklehead thought that he was too close to the yellow line passing in front of me but not bright enought to walk around the back...idiot. and that ear bud just makes you look more irritaing.

i get off and roll the easterly roll that i roll (cause that's the way we roll in queens, shiteyes) when i see a collision. this special asshole has his head in his ipod and clearly isn't paying attention and bam! there it is. both guys almost go down like old soviet union, the other guy apologizes. apologizes mind you. and ass pod just belts out an "asshole" and ambles on his way. i'm sorry sunshine but i believe it's you who's the asshole. but what the hell do i know?

long story short, the egg sammich was just what the doctor ordered. thank you little mexican men in a 2 foot storefront who made my sammich. thank you.

—the bastard

2 comments:

bigbromofo said...

was there sausage patties on the egg sammich. that is the only way to go. you only go with bacon if there is no sausage.

dub plat naut

bastard central said...

oh it's bacon. the bastard is trying to watch his girlish figure. no wait..that didn't come out right at all. dammit!