Thursday, April 13, 2006

...on poison

so the bastard hasn't been doing the right thing by breakfast this morning mostly because he's been taking the later train to work and that has me arriving at the hallowed halls of killing stuff monthly close to a half hour late but the bastard has had a cold for the last week and change so i wanted to make it right. so to save time, i've been stopping off at the little kiosk where little men make me an egg sammich. anyway, despite getting to bed late again, i woke up with the ability to pry myself out of bed and take my usual train which instead puts the bastard here 30 minutes early for work which is ok because no one's here and i can make my coffee. what you don't have a coffee pot at your desk? what are you some kind of dick? so i take advantage of the early hour to buy something healthier for breakfast. i got up early enough to take the train, i didn't say i got up early enough to eat at home. anyway, while i'm waiting for my muffin, this woman who we can call hmmmmm, ida know, power suit?, orders coffee with splenda. the girl behind the counter asks her how many and smiles with some teeth that made me think she spent her summer of love in the hold of the golden venture, poor girl. anyway, power suit snaps back with i'll take 4 splenda. now the nice lady tells me that artificial sweetners while not necessarily good for you need to be taken in large quantities in order to kill you over time and considerring the amount and how cocentrated that crap is, it begs the question of, "do you really dislike the taste of coffee that much?" and if so, why don't you find an alternate means of waking up in the morning? cocaine has gotten cheaper, just blow a few rails when you wake up. or it begs the question of, "hey lady, are you trying to kill yourself?" beats the hell out of me, all i know is fruit is frikkin' expensive in this town. maybe it's just cheaper to slowly kill yourself over time, or cheaper to just wake up early and eat the ginormous box of raisin bran you bought to keep yourself from dying of heart failure.


Anonymous said...

Please, please don't take away my artificial sweeteners. If one big bottle of Coke is equal to, I don't know, a Brownie Stampede!!!, I'll take the diet soda and split the difference.

bastard central said...

i'm not against the articficial sweetner or the brownnie stampede. i just find it fascinating how someone wil put as much artificial sweetner as possible into their coffee tp kill the taste. just take frikkin uppers if you need to put that much shit in your drink. mmmmmmmmmmmmmm brownies

Anonymous said...

So, you hate me and brownies?!?! Bwaaahhhh!!!