...on the wedge

...or as we like to refer to it as...the hero

"who's next? what can i getcha?"

"can i get a meatball wedge?"

"a what? you mean a meatball hero?"

what the hell is a wedge? where i come from we call a sandwich that is served on a long thin roll a hero. in new england they call it a grinder. in other parts of the country they call it a submarine sandwhich. i asked chicago jerkface if he's ever heard that term before.

"what the hell kind of remote backwater calls a sandwich a wedge?"

apparently this term comes from weschester. apparently it's used most frequently in yonkers. i wouldn't broadcast that one. isn't yonker where neil simon went to get lost? so back at the pizza place, as we go to pay for our sandwiches, the loud mouth behind the counter sees 4 heros in the oven and bellows,

"what chu got in heaya?"

"chicken parm"

"chicken"

"um a meatball wedge."

"you meena meedball hero?"

"yes"

"and you" (meaning me)

"chicken parm"

fucking nancy boy. it's called a hero. as clever as it must seem to inflict your regional dialect on the obviously less cultured masses of the 5 boroughs, it isn't. we all didn't get to go to the uppity vernaculr academy up in weschester. now say hero before i kick you in the head. dick.

—the bastard

PS: i really don't care what you call your sandwich/hero/grinder/submarine, i just found this particular kid kind of smug. and smug is not what the bastard likes.

THIS JUST IN the mofo reminded me of a much better usage for the word wedge. he had greater longevity than any other pilot in the the first star wars trilogy.