Tuesday, July 18, 2006

parenting gives you super powers

the boy has been coming to work with me for the past two days and i realized something. you get super powers when you take your kid to work during rush hour. you suddenly have the strength to check some gigantic asshole who refuses to get out of your way because he's too "HAHD" to be a decent commuter. hope it hurt too...you dick.

—the bastard


Odat said...

Just came across your blog...pretty funny...altho i don't like being an asshole commentator....lol...however, I been given super powers myself this week..in the form of a sprained ankle with an aircast...I commute into NYC too and DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT WALKING OR STANDING TOO CLOSE TO ME WITH THIS CAST ON MY FOOT....I swear I'll kick ya!!!! thanks for the laughs..

mofo said...

I thought he was going to tell us how he wanted to sell us aircasts.

Nice to know someone from the outside enjoys the kingdom of the bastard.

bastard central said...

the bastard finds that he's been known to get the same way when he was having knee problems a couple years back. but then again, i find that defensive commuting trancends injury. i also find that commuting is an endless wellspring of material for me

DM said...

Ah commuting an endless supply of laughs, frustrations and unbelievable stories.

Can I have a translation on HAHD?

Jeez we need some bastards like you in The land of Oz.

bastard central said...

well being that the bastard grew in craptastic queens which incidentally a former mayor of this fair city once referred to as "a series of highways and cemetaries that new yorkers have to drive through to get to the hamptons" (fuck you ed koch) the outer boroughs are known for their different sounding accents. "hahd" is reall just a phoenetic spelling of the word "hard" implying that my object of jackassery was a hard core urban youth who felt that his street cred would be at stake if he had a sudden spell of courtesy.

you know dm, bastards like me don't grow on trees however, for a respectable salary bump and moving expenses (i have to move all my glazzez and my shooz) i would be more than happy to leave this mess behind and work over there for a spell. the land of OZ has a lot of nice looking magazines that a jackass like me can work for.


dm said...

Fantastic, now I know all.

Ya know given the exchange rate you could keep the same salary and it'd look so much more tempting on paper here. Just don't convert it back you may end up with a pay cut.

bastard central said...

well there's always the whole "who has a cheaper standard of living" thing there as opposed to here. i'd have to look into it.

always a pleasure to translate my gibberish