i don't know if the bastard's ever told you...

...i really love it when people eat on the subway

yeah. seriously. i absolutely love it. nothing gets the bastard's motor running like watching some salty faced guy (or gal) takes a turkey hero out of some greasy paper bag and rips the thing in half getting breadcrumbs all over the already filthy floor of the car and chomping away right there. i am getting so hot and bothered by the very idea of watching this rube get crumbs all over his mouth and wiping them off with the cuff of his shirt, i just can't contain myself. oh wait, out comes the soda. oh yeah, crumbs and soda and filth. this is the fucking best. no. wait. don't put the can down on the floor. you know how i love it when you put the can down on the floor. YES! YES! YES! ok i'm done. now do it again, you fucking slob.

—the bastard

P.S. ummmm, guy on the number six train who felt that the best way to tell the folks around you that YOU won't be bullied into getting on the train any faster than your pace and we will have to just deal with that: Move jackass! if there was a better path to go around you, the bastard would have taken it thus avoiding any righteous indignation you must have felt that GOD FORBID people want to get on the train before the doors close. oh and by the way, if you ever try to kick me again, i WILL cut you a new breathing hole thus enabling you to breath while i stick my foot in your mouth.

God i love this town. i never thought i'd get this back. it's like having an old girlfriend over for breakup sex.