Here it is—bam— the ol' motherfucker writing his first entry on the new digs, the brand new 13" macbook. It is technically the first computer I've ever owned.
I was introduced to Macs via St. John's Universtiy's The TORCH, the official student newspaper of SJU, of which I was a writer, a sports editor and managing editor, although I was basically the editor in chief since JB spent most of his time acting more as a figurehead and left me to deal with the Dylans (loved the guy but he just never could lay out his own news section) and the Schads (Joe Schad, if you watch ESPN is a contirbuter to the networks college football coverage, an insider if you will, and yes, i taught him everything he knows, and I reguarly embarassed him in front of his woman on the basketball courts on Utopia Pkwy and 73rd ave.) of the world at 5 am. The bastard (aka my brother, the bastard) let me use his for writing and email at his apartment until the nice lady and him bought one for my parents which continues to reside in the QV mo headquarters to this day. Since I've been in purgatory I've been forced to work on a windows computer, which you know is correctly represented in the latest Apple comercials with the dude from "Dodgeball."
After calling the Chairman a couple of weeks back to see if it was ok to talk to his mother, (she divorced Uncle Drew, the Chairman's dad and my Godfather), he offered the opportunity to do some copy writing for his clients, what the bastard (aka you would know the bastard if you saw him) "devils work", and i accepted, so through the bastard I'm on the chairman's payroll.
—I don't consider it the devil's work cause i don't believe in the devil. I say I'm working for the man, and if you want my feelings on that, watch the last 10 minutes of SLC Punk, there's a pretty good explanation for my actions, cause I don't have time to get into my Thomas Jefferson—fight the power spiel.—
Anyway, while in the NY for EKG's and fire, I bought this laptop, Bunx, named after the immortal words of the Thrilla. I just didn't realize how much of a hastle it would be to get my shit together with this computer. I'm not the most savvy computer guy, I can rock Quark and micro-word, and a little photo shop, but trying to get used to being the guy who has to actually take care of said machine has been trying. I mean yeah, one year warranty and my brother can help with diagnostic problems but god damn it i dropped $150 on a bluetooth phone in order to link it to bunx so I could have internet access anywhere I could get a phone signal which is basically everywhere except for the bathroom on Bowman's beach on Sanibel Island (it did work in Waves, NC (Hatteras Island) staring at the Atlantic Ocean) and it can't be tethered to my machine for that purpose, at least not in normal means. The geek who had sold me the phone the night before as well as unlimited internet access and the cutie tried in vain to get it to work, but the more they tried the more futile the mission seemed. I went home and called Apple to see what they could do, and i was told that "Apple does not support what your trying to do." I almost thought Jobs and a crew of stoned out Michael Douglas look-a-likes from "Falling Down" were going to bust down my door, take bunx away and bury me 20 feet underground in a dungeon outside of Sacramento. At this point already frustrated from the failure, the amount of money I laid out for bunx and the phone and the added stress that comes with paying bills by the end of the month with three lost days of pay (my trip to NY did not come with sick or personal days and save my whole one week of vacation for my drive for Christmas) I get a call from the bastard (aka the bastard with the bad timing) who proceeds to bring my ire to the boiling point.
—It's not his fault, completely, you have to apreciate the history between him and I. Truth is, he can yammer on about anything, forever, that's just one of his super powers, whatever, I'm more of a short and sweet conversationalist, especially at times like this.—
After exploding for five minutes I found space in my rattled skull for some clarity, and decided to pay for a month of hot spot use from T-Mobile and made my way to the Cingular Store to tell the cutie and geek (who were both helpful and valiant in there efforts to tether my phone to bunx) about my dealings with Apple and to cancel my internet deal with cingular. The cutie told me she meets with a group that discusses things of this nature and she would get back to me after doing some research on the subject. So indeed, cooler heads prevailed and this mofo may have the hook up with a cute nerd, the mofo has never had one of those. She told me my computer scares her, is that a come-on?
Well so went my first foray into what the bastard calls 21 first century computing. Fuck it, gimme' an abacus.
EAA (Extra Added Attraction): Yes, that is a New York Post, and yes, man is still biting off wife's nose. It's a 25 year-old inside joke—you dont' have to get it.