Friday, October 27, 2006

...on hygiene class

ok kids. we're going to learn about proper hygiene. you see it's really really important to keep yourself well clean and groomed for when you go out in public. it comes in handy when you're trying to pick up the ladies and you don't smell like 3 day old cheese. it comes in handy when you get to the deal closing phase with a woman and you don't have say....scabies. so you should keep yourself clean and well groomed (and scabie free) but you should do all of that at home. not on the e-train.

so i have to tell you guy next to me, clipping your nails on the train is BY FAR one of the grossest things the public has to endure on their commute. i mean i think it's really great that you put the good nylon stocking cap on today so, that you can hang with your homies after that big job interview but, clipping your nails in public, let alone on the train is kind of disgusting. let's not forget your expert disposal of your clippings on the floor. yeah, i know the train is already dirty and all and, oh yeah, "fuck tha po-lice" and all that good stuff but, maybe you should have done that this morning before you got on the train.

—the bastard

P.S. ummmm, lady across from me with the bad contact lenses that make your brown eyes look all silk screen colored, with deer season approaching, unless you plan on walking through a pink forest, there's no need for pink camouflage. it's no trouble at all. you can thank me later.


Anonymous said...

ewwe. note to self 'if ever in ny avoid trains'. jeez and i thought brisbane trains were bad.

bastard central said...

well it's kind of the main way of getting around town. cab fare just got a little more expensive and the buses are just as much fun. so my advice is while on ny trains, wear gloves


Rob S. said...

Ew, Jeebus. Finger or toe nails?

bastard central said...

come on lobster,

does it really matter which kind they are. the difference is only between a shudder and a double shudder. it's all gross