Thursday, December 14, 2006

everytime the bastard thinks he gotten out...

...he realizes that he's still IN!!!

pay no attention to the snakes on a plane here. i just felt the need to to replace the office art for this one. or maybe there ARE snakes in this motherfuckin office. i'm tired of all these got-dam snakes. anyway. january is closed. off to bed, never to be seen until i get the box of first bounds.

QUICK SIDEBAR: "hey bastard, can you tell the folks out here in tv land what a first bound is?" well shiteyes, i believe i can. you see kids, when you print a magazine, the pressmen waste about 10,000 feet of paper (and yes, that's alot of trees) making sure the pages are aligned properly. then when they are done printing the everything they box up the first 200 or so copies and box them up in boxes of 25 and send one of these boxes to the bastard's little cubicle on park avenue with little stickers on them that say "first bound copy".

so i get the call from the rep. no wait, let's backtrack. yesterday, the stand in for my production monkey tells me that she has to move page 45 up an eight of an inch so that it can accommodate an ad. i say sure without thinking about it because, i'm working 4 days of dailys. OK. RESTART NOW. i get this call from the rep and he tells me about the fact that the shotgun that runs across the spread is now out of alignment. now i have to resend the page potentially with pages on press.

QUICK SIDEBAR: hey bastard, what happens when you have to hold up the press? well let me tell you young jerkface, when you hold up the press it costs about roughly 5,000 dollars u.s. at least that's how much it cost 10 years ago which was the last time the bastard was ever involved in any press holding up hijinx. so, accounting for standard of living increases and inflation over time we're going to say it costs a fuck ton per hour to hold up a press

so needless to say, the bastard is having a grand old time because there are certain IT related issues that are preventing me from sending this ONE FRIKKIN PAGE to the plant right now. good times. no. GREAT times. i'm tired of all these got dam snakes.

—the bastard

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I feel nauseous for you--

want me to find out how much?

got-dam snakes!!

--DoM

Rob S. said...

And so it goes, every day, in every way.

bastard central said...

i however am not nauseous. what is the going rate these days DoM?

Anonymous said...

I asked around--for us at Q it's $3000 per hour--smaller run publications however, will be more--like 5G's--I don't know what your numbers are, but I would imagine that more people read about guns than computer chips--;-)

how much damage was there?

--DoM

mofo said...

You know I would feel bad, but that's publishing. When it's on everything is crazed, when it's off, you play stratomatic or soccer hockey with the roughneck. Just put your head down, next thing you know you'll wondering why you have nothing to do, and loving it.

bastard central said...

DoM,

we're a 20k circ book. so it's probably 5 large.

mofo,

we both know that in my downtime i am doing the devils work for the chairman. we all can't choose to not work for the "man" like you did. ;-)