Monday, February 05, 2007

in which the bastard figures stuff out

so i pop past left hand rob's cube to tell him about seeing the new film by almodóvar (volver, go see it jerkface...it's good), we start talking about this french caper film he's watching called rififi (he posted about it last week), which he views as the prototype for all heist movies. so here's the secret formula for a heist film:

1. a bunch of guys plan on stealing something

2. one of the guys doesn't want to partake but someone or something pulls him in

3. somehow, usually by deus ex machina, the heist goes wrong

4. shit ensues

5. not all of them make it out in one piece (mind you, this is not a mandatory step)

and there you have it. it's as simple as that. now cast ricky jay, jason statham, and if you're really cool, delroy lindo. and when you get your oscar for best picture, i believe the phrase you will be looking for will be, "first off, i'd like to thanks the bastard for figuring this shit out for me, the checks in the mail". yeah.

—the bastard

4 comments:

mofo said...

You'd have to add Brad Pitt, his work in the Oceans movies as well as Snatch earn him the right, plus it gets the girlies in the seats, might as well make money while yer winning the oscar

bastard central said...

hmmmm. good point and since he doesd a pretty good piker, we don't need statham for anglo-saxon street cred

done

Rob S. said...

Delroy Fucking Lindo, man! And I would follow Ricky Jay into the Jaws of Hell.

bastard central said...

who wouldn't?