Sunday, January 06, 2008

...on secretes

the secret is some touchy feely new age self help book that oprah winfrey is a big fan of. the bastard on the other hand, is not a fan of the secret or of oprah which should not come as any frikkin surprise to you.

anyway, the bastard is also an elitist snob as well as, well, you know, a bastard and so when i was in target with my ladyfriend last night (yeah i shop in target), when i saw a woman clutching a copy of this selfsame book. she looked incredibly intense and the whole feel of the situation had an air of quiet desperation so i asked my ladyfriend,

"am i a bad person if i thumb my nose at someone clutching tenaciously to a copy of the secret?"

"come on", she replies, "some people are interested in improving themselves. allthough she did look a little intense"

so point taken, i reflected otherwise on this poor woman's predicament. and then i thought, "what would the peanut gallery think?" and like any other rotten human being, i decided to repeat my question via text message to some friends and coworkers of mine. the answers went something like this:

"no, you're a bad person because you kick puppies"

"no but what's the secret. self help?"


"depends. what the hell is the secret?"


"not at all"


"no worries, pertwee will get her"


"sorry. who is this?"


"yes u are"


"no you r a hero sir"


"gay"


"eat it"


"oh, hey bastard. and no you r not for laughing at sad women"

so there you have it. societal cross section in nutshell. i tried to text message in order of varying people different friends from differnt walks of life for different answers but some of them more interesting to me.

—the bastard

1 comment:

mofo said...

I'll tell ya', it's too bad Pertwee isn't still alive, he would definitely be one of the heavy hitters for the hit squad, along with Morty, of course.