Friday, February 22, 2008

...on seeing it

LAST NIGHT: "you know bastard, i'm very concerned about how i'm going to get to las vegas on saturday"

"howso chairman? oh wait. yeah. the snow"


"well like anything weather wise in this town, i'll believe it when i see it. then again, i'm saying this with the ground condtions being right for snow to stick but, i'll believe it when i see it."

THIS MORNING: "well, that sure looks like snow all right", says the bastard as he accidentally kicks his air cleaner to the ground, completely crushing all hope of hitting the snooze button and getting another 10 minutes before i face the day.

HIT THE GROUND RUNNING: the bastard has this pair of boots from redhead that i got from the snowman but were worn by this man in a photoshoot for killing stuff monthly. but hell, free is free and they are spectacular in the snow. notsomuch with the indoors though.

ER, I MEAN SLIDING: transfer point.

took a chance. the ny1 said that there were signal problems up and down the 6 line but, i don't want to walk in these boots, i've worn them like 4 times tops and the lack of breaking in is grinding on the backs of the bastard's feet. oww.

down the stairs towards downtown. and down the bastard goes. you ever heard that sound a picket fence makes when you run a stick across it? yeah that's the one. all the way down the downtown stair i go. thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, WHUMP. ow! my aching ass! a woman who's having a case of the crazy hair turns around and asks the bastard,

"are you alright?"

headphone comes out," yeah, sure. that was delightful. did that sound as good as it felt?"

crazy hair smiles, "yeah", chuckles, and it's back to the business of getting work and the little mexican elves who make egg sandwiches for me. owwww, i hurt now.

ON THE SIX: a giant fat man in a trench coat gets in behind me. he has so much carcass. how the fuck does he get around like that? does he live on a steady diet of entire horses? he looks like nikita kruschev ate two whole nikita kruschevs to become the nikita kruschev that gets to walk THIS earth instead of the 3 other earth's that have giant nikita kruschev eating nikita kruschevs dwelling on them (there can BE only one you know). god, the bastard fucking HATES cannibals.

anyway, nikita, gets off at 42nd but he has to lumber his way through us and he smites this pleasant faced black woman into me. and now he's lumbering like the creature that the boy in akira becomes in the last half hour of the movie and as she's being crushed into me, she smiles and i tell her, "i believe the phrase the gentleman was looking for was "excuse me"". she just smiles and decides to get out of the doorway. nikita looks back for a second, the bastard holds his fingers in a v shape and jams them into my throat looking for a reaction from this fat fuck but he's off the train.

and i'm looking for an egg sandwich. god dammit, my ass hurts. stupid boots.

—the bastard


P-Cat said...

You jammed your fingers into your neck a la Viggo in Eastern Promises. Well done threatening thuggery there, jackass.

bastard central said...

well in tight quarters you can't yell "asshole" and shake your fist. so why not?

jonny airplanes said...

Thank god you use that buns of steel video tape.

bastard central said...

hell's to the yes