Monday, April 21, 2008

...on the fall of the house of usher 6

...special wedding edition

the the one of the chairman's sister got married this weekend.

and we all went but we decided to go hunting as well.

the chair had told me that his mother's side of the family do their best to keep their very important guido roots held up on high.

and yesterday was no slouch, for the bastard spotted his prey before the ceremony even started.

QUICK SIDEBAR: one of the editors of killing stuff monthly had gone caribou hunting in alaska and had to be flown in by bush plane and he had remarked that as he flew over the valley, there were hundreds of caribou just hanging out in the valley in plain sight. the thought here was that one could really get jazzed because you knew that a kill would be inevitable.

and this was how the bastard felt as he was about to spend several hours near his target. i was so jazzed. the chairman was jazzed. hell, even the mofo(r.i.p.) was jazzed. fish in a barrel, it was.

this character was majestic. his formal wear decks complemented his awful matlock suit quite innappropriately.

but the chairman's family could not take credit for this for their only enyertainment value of the day was when my ladyfriend pointed out this large headed gentleman who had struggled to take his suit jacket off for close to 10 minutes after the ceremony. coincidentally, the chairman had pointed out his date's drunkeness to me later as i pointed out how she looked like she was wearing a red silk garbage bag as a dress.

but none could take the day away from our guido matlock. our hates were off to him as well as his date who either dressed him or had self control enough to not ask him, "are you sure you want to go out looking like that?" good for them. good for their bad taste. and most of all ,good for my disdain.

—the bastard


P-Cat said...

Yeah, the cellphone holster....always a class move.

jonny airplanes said...

As for formal deck shoes, I can't judge. I just bought some new foot wear. Now don't laugh. I bought flip flops, and not the shower variety. The ones to wear in public. Also not for use at the same time but i got ankle socks as well. Sometimes you just need to blend in. Maybe deck shoes where appropriate for the family. maybe they like matlock and boats. Was the wedding on a yacht? Anyway I do feel if you are going with the sailor look follow regs no cell phones allowed.

Anonymous said...

glad you mentioned the red dress or was that some kind of vegetable or fruit. i do admire your restraint, i guess so many targets so little time

bastard central said...

the bastard has to show restraint.

otherwise he might tell more than he ever wanted to.