part one: get rich or die trying.
chairman: hey the bastard: yesh?
chairman: ok, crazy dreams last nite
chairman: you shived 50 cent to death, in vegas
the bastard: he had it coming
the bastard: and vegas had a crowd i could disappear into
chairman: well u me and jamie kennedy were hanging out in the Wynn
the bastard: jamie kennedy?
chairman: and 50 walked by and i go holy shit its 50 cent and 50 goes no pictures
the bastard: what the hell is wrong with you man?
chairman: but u kept running around w/ ur iphone
chairman: try to snap shots
chairman: then 50 recognized me
chairman: and said you man tom can get a picture with me
chairman: so u took it with the iphone
chairman: but 50 felt it was too pixelated
chairman: and was poor quality
chairman: apparently he's a fotog
chairman: so you go chairman, i'm gonna have to take out the good knife
chairman: and u stabbed him
chairman: fast forward
chairman: we're in the desert with samuel l. jackson
chairman: trying to bury 50's body
chairman: and sandra bullock posed as an overzealous reporter sees us
chairman: and puts it on the interweb. So you decide because you're the overlord at this point
chairman: that we're going to commandeer 50's suite at the wynn
chairman: then i woke up
part two: don't call it a comeback:
chairman: to only go back to bed to have a dream that staten island was going to blow upchairman: and i was in a car with philip seymour hoffman
the bastard: nice
the bastard: that is the best dream EVER
the bastard: he does look sort of midwestern
chairman: we were driving a 1984 maroon station wagon
the bastard: chevy or ford?
chairman: but the air was filled with propane gas
chairman: mercury
the bastard: i see
chairman: with the roof rack
the bastard: grand marquis wagon?
chairman: yes!
the bastard: 80's era?
chairman: w/ the wood paneling on the sides
the bastard: nicechairman: maroon seats
chairman: yes
the bastard: that's the only way to drive
chairman: tape player
the bastard:what was on the tape player
the bastard: benzi box?
the bastard: was it best of times?
the bastard: or mister roboto?
the bastard: did it take you high enough?
chairman: he was trying to talk me back into a comeback
chairman: im not sure if i was a singer
the bastard: a comeback?
chairman: or a baseball player
chairman: or what
the bastard: i see
chairman: but he wanted me to comeback
the bastard: but you know what l.l. sez
the bastard: don't call it a comeback
the bastard: you know what this means chairman?
the bastard: it means that you're gonna kill again
chairman: goooooooood
chairman: not psh tho
chairman: he's a genius
the bastard: nah, he'll be your accomplice
part three: the bodycount?
the bastard: i'm putting this on the blogthe bastard: too good not to
chairman: at least i have A list celebs in my dreams
chairman: not sure why you keep stabbing them
chairman: i think if u had a chance u would have stabbed PSH too
chairman: first sarah silverman, then 50
quick sidebar: the chairman had a dream last weekend that he was married to sarah silverman and she made fun of me several times, prompting the bastard to storm out of his subconscious.
the bastard: i thought i just stormed off
the bastard: nice
chairman: and your ladyfriend was pissed that u did that
chairman: but apparently you're a ruthless serial killer who kills my A list celebrity friends
the bastard: everyone has to have a hobby
the bastard: nice
chairman: this is all your fault for making me write my crazy dreams down
chairman: and passing out to VH1
the bastard: well i know that you love the 80's
the bastard: and hal sparks
the bastard: your mom
chairman: good point
someone please stop me before i kill again. for the love of a-listers.
—the bastard
No comments:
Post a Comment