Wednesday, August 06, 2008

...on the swerve

so, the bastard nearly ran a jeep grand cherokee off the road tonight. on foot.


on foot.

it went like this. i was taking down my garbage and i figured i would return my copy of in bruges to netflix. so i walk across the street. to be fair, metropolitan avenue can be the arena of the foolish. while i walked across, a motorcycle was speeding west while some guy in a minivan was making a k turn. the bastard briefly pondered if the bike was going to hit him but then dismissed it as he became more preoccupied with the genius making the k-turn hitting me.

QUICK SIDEBAR: the bastard used to own this old buick which desperately needed to have it's brakes changed and i had blown a cylinder head. so it sounded like an old helicopter but that's not the point. anyway, i used this buick to get to school. one day, in the rain, i was stuck in traffic and i was behind this chevy cavalier (red) and because of the crap motor, i would have to punch the gas to move forward. i did and the buick (did i mention it was ENORMOUS AND RUSTED?) lurched forward into this cavalier. i slammed on the brakes but it was raining and by the way, the brakes failed and i dinged into this car. and i saw the look of horror on the poor girl who was driving the car as this happened (and her passenger as well). i got out and there was nothing. not a scratch. and i got back in and parked my car telling my passenger (it might have been that stranger i used to know who joined the coast guard) and said, i think i did them a favor. now they had all of the terror of a car accident withot the car accident. now they can drive like normal human beings. i might have also been complaining about their timid driving at the time.

OK back at the ranch: i'm walking back across the street and there is this cherokee screaming down the street. so i do my usual start across the street to sit on the double line to wait for said vehicle to pass. upon stopping on the double line, they start to swerve. i get worried. they right themselves and as tgey scream by they yell , "what are you doing?", at either myself or perhaps the driver that the bastard has already deduced was drunk. the bastard indicates this by exclaiming "drunk" in an audible tone to myself. but then i thought, maybe a truckload of girls might just be skittish, or ust not cut out for driving for i was a clean 6 feet away from where their vehicle would have passed me(10 after they swerved). i may be a big guy but, i'm not that big a bastard.

and whoever that was couldn't drive to save their life. oh well, at least they swerved away from me.

—the bastard


jonny airplanes said...

Stanger you used to know. Oh that's cold. My bad. I forget that the bastard clan can not pass info back and forth.

jonny airplanes said...

For a minute i thought you were going to tell a different going to school in the morning parking story.

bastard central said...

when the bastard has to get his jonny airplanes news from arizona, it's time to check in once in a while. i will not opine on it further

the parking story i think you are talking about may very well be best left buried until the statute of limitations runs out on destruction of property