Thursday, September 28, 2006

...on disasters

...or on avoiding them

i get on the 6 train and i am greeted by the wrong end of some poor womans high heel shoe. you see it's the style of the time for women by and large to cross their leg when htey are wearing a skirt and so one tends to catch a shoe or two in their travels. except this lady is plowed. and so her toothless boyfriend. okay, so he has teeth. okay, he's only really missing one tooth but, it's in the right place to make fun. second thing i notice after drunk is that they are making out (snogging for our overseas crowd)...alot. that's cool. but it isn't cool with the woman sitting next to them and when she gets up, she gives them the eye roll. bad move.

"hay. why tha fuhg aw you rollin' yo ayes ad me?"

"hay. why tha fuhg izzz shhe rollin' hur ayes ad me?"

"shhe shuddum be rollin' hur fuggin' ayes ad me."

"that shid is fuhgd ub. nah loog. she won't heefen agknowludge me"

"fuggin' bish. rollin' hur fuggin' ayes ad me lykes sheeze bettuhdanme"

"oh look hoolio, she's geddin' hoff now bay bay. donchu go rollin' your fuggin' eyes ad me. geez. ahdunno whud da fug hur prohblum iz"

can't make it up it's pure gold. also the guy looked a little old to be frosting his hair. his gray was showing through. weird scene. so all trains are running on the local track on the connect and i am not loving life. the bastard has shin splints and i'm trying not to beat on my legs too much tonight but here we are. we slowly pull into craptastic queens and suddenly, i see an F train running on the V line. no one's on it. i think "sweet, i sit down an settle into a good nap until this all ends". everything is now running express. nice and smooth. couldn't have wished for a better ride home. nice and smooth

—the bastard

2 comments:

Lisa said...

Hahahaha, this is hilarious!

bastard central said...

you can't make this stuff up. believe me, i've tried