...on sublets

...or on the high cost of living

the bastard realized something. nay, he remembered something. i got off the train with the cool breeze in my face and i felt good. went about my business and called the artist on my walk home and asked him if he'd like to get some chow. i know he would have been painting all day so i figure he could use some grub. on the way home we were talking about how his almost roommate whom we could call, the dope, who wanted to live in lower manhattan rather than bushwick is probably still there. and the artist tells me,

"dude, williamsburg is a shitty neighborhood. this is so much nicer"

"well it's more suburban looking than williamsburg, i'll give it that. we just lack an elevated train line"

"dude, that place totally sucks. and i would've been living in a fucking closet. now i have twice as much space for the money in a neighborhood i like."

then it hit me. despite how much i complain about the little things around here. the bastard loves living forest hills. granted i give up quiet once a week and one of my neighbors keeps vacuuming at 12:30 at night but, i love this place. i enjoy my walk home. i have a park around the corner. i have this really kick ass thai place accross the street. all things considered, it's a pretty good life. so i thought of a new plan to save a little extra bread.

i'm going to sublet both of my bedrooms. that's right. willy dub passed a tent my way from killing stuff monthly's tent review and i am going to make it my home. hell, it's cozy. just like both of my bedrooms. and if i need a second room, i can set up my family sized tent. all i need to do now is run an electrical cord up to the roof and a piece of coaxial for the internet and cable tv. solid! i don't know why i didn't think of this sooner. so here's how the ads going to read:

2 ROOMS TO SUBLET IN FOREST HILLS: two rooms 12' x 12' each. fully furnished. you don't have to move anything in but your clothes. quiet 6 days a week. close to mass transit. if you have sex in my son's bed i will kill you. $1200 a month.

i mean, how could i go wrong. i'll tell ya how, i could actually be fool enough to do it. cause i would have to throw someone a beating for bringing someone into the boy's bed. get a room, shiteyes!

—the bastard