Monday, June 11, 2012

life in these new york cities

the ride is short these days.

but the ride has become more and more populated as the neighborhoods along the 7 line have become more sought by folks as the next affordable heaven for those of you who come here from oklasota or wiscotucky or even long-g-g giland for that matter.

and the touchstone conversations the bastard overhears are starting to become more and more interesting.

it seems that hipsters travel all across these new york cities in search of other hipsters so that they can talk about how funny it is to judge some other hipsters from oklasota and wiscotucky when they order a chocolate bagel when they should clearly be ordering the authentic flavors

like cinnamon raisin.

shit is hard when you a graduate degree and a bad 80's haircut and your friend from out of town orders the wrong kind of bagel.

you see.

some bagels are more equal than others.

however to the bastard, you're all from out of town.

the more you blather on in your midwestern accents that you try so desperately to hide from the likes of me...

...the more we know how fearful you are of us finding out about your redneck past...

and no amount of copies of 100 years of solitude (apparently "atlas shrugged" is no is no longer in print) clutched under your arm will ever ever change that.

give it 9 more years according to then you can consider yourself authentic.

so until that day arrives, judge not.

because i am already judging you too.

—the bastard


TW said...

Plain, Onion, Everything, Poppy Seed, these are authentic flavors. Cinnamon Raisin is but a precursor to the chocolate bagel. The beginning of the end. By supporting the Cinnamon Raisin you have aided in rise of the chocolate bagel. For shame.

bastard central said...

as a preface, egg also qualifies. cinn raisin was a jab at the lack of knowledge walking these streets. i'm born and raised in this crapper, i've earned the right to eat whichever frikkin flavor bagel i want. i don't worry for my authenticity. this town is in my blood.

however it isn't about flavors, it's about the judgmental nature of those who aren't qualified to judge. i wonder if they took a class to lose their southern accent.

ben folds was a goddam profit.

and you know what else?

hot dogs are fucking GOOD!