...or on that season of 24 in which jack bauer gets stuck in an airport in las vegas and sleeps on the floor then sits on a planes and watches zoolander instead of saving the country and it never airs.
OH MY GOD! it burnses! hates it! hates the red bull! the bastard wakes up after only 2 hours of sleep and jonny airplanes had less. you see, after a night out like this, hell, after a week out like this the bastard has lost all touch with what happens when you run with the bulls. you see you get trampled, and by trampled i mean that i snored my lousy ass off until the magical telephone tells me it's time to begrudgingly get out of las vegas.
NOW QUICK FLASHBACK: the evening started off innocently enough in which the k using his uncanny powers of vegas that were granted to him by his wife's powerful cousin, 14 of us went to an incredible restaurant called stack in which the bastard had an incredible meal. along with trying kobe beef, the bastard also discovered that cod tastes okay. but most of all what tastes good is a 14 ounce brooklyn filet. following this we made out way to the all powerful cousin's club known as jet. now i didn't remember this from the previous club night's experience, but jet had a velvet rope for the rank and file. past this was the v.i.p. line, next to that the v.v.i.p line, past this was the friends of the owner line which got pushed aside so that the 20 of us could walk in. this was followed by table service with a bodyguard who was equally as big as CJ was from the other night. to be amicable, the bastard thought it would be a good idea not to ask for gin as only left hand rob and myself drank it the other night (that was until jonny airplanes apparently made him stay at light and finish all of the liquor). it get a little blurry at this point but, let's suffice to say that bastard did some drinking, did some dancing and then woke up feeling like he had sunburn from drinking so much red bull and vodka. my one regret was that i never made it to the double down saloon with rob and susie to sample a glass of ass juice and a bacon martini as pictured mmmmmmmmmmmm heayah.
meanwhile back in nyc, apparently mother nature decided to give my home all of this winter's snow at once which made us all contemplate changing our flight reservations and the bastard will go on the record as saying that jonny airplanes was right, we should have flown back on tuesday, i now have to let him make one important decision in my life for me provide he is sure he is right. dammit, i hate debts like that. all he did was stare at me in the terminal for the first 4 hours of our delay. the stare of someone righteously affronted because he was missing out on 2 more days of this nonsense. in retrospect, i should have listened to him, the ammunition i need to photograph for the new ammo 2006 feature would still be there on wednesday morning as it was when i came in on tuesday morning. there you go shiteyes, complete confession of wrongdoing, we go to orlando next year.
anyway, someone had to call the cops because the digerati on our flight were fighting each other over the limited amount of outlets in the terminal, the bastard caught a floor nap, which is the worst kind of nap. finally our 10:45 flight boards at 3:30 pm, gets off the ground at 4:00. then the bastard sleeps through to colorado. at about 11.....ish we're circling j.f.k. and we just got word that a turkish airways flight spun out doing donuts on the runway and we had to wait. we land at midnight to the announcement that only one runway was plowed and we have a traffic jam which prompted this special asshole to start flipping out in the plane everytime the plane stopped on it's slow trudge to the gate which had us off this ball park frank at 1am. luggage came at 2am and the bastard reeled until 3:30 when he finally expired in a chair. at some point along the way we joked about the k's cousin's powers because, we really did have alot of access this week. when we were waiting for our luggage i asked the k to call his cousin, see what he could do to speed this up. the k shook his head and responded, "bastard the cousin is all powerful in the city of las vegas but in new york, he's just a mere mortal like the rest of us." and apparently, we were mere mortals once again too. long day. long week. good show. cheers, shiteyes.