...on finds

...and door knock dinners

"you guys want to get some lunch? i know a really good diner in millbrook", said the editor. the editor in chief knows where to find places to eat. when the bastard was getting ready to head west last summer by way of anachronistic trucks, the editor told me 3 or 4 places to eat en route to arizona. you see, when you spend a small piece of your post college career driving a truck across i20 (or was it i40), you learn where you're gonna get lunch. but, it trancends experience. it's almost like a supernatural power in which he finds great diners. two things the editor is good at is killing turkeys and finding diners. well he's good at running a magazine too but the bastard assumed that was a given so back the hell off.

well arriving in this quaint little backwater, we realize before we even have a seat that this place is gonna be good. we actually have to wait, on a friday afternoon. this is where the damn town gets lunch. you can clearly see the line of demarkation between the classes. you see, all of the rich folks walk around rocking dirty clothes and agway hats, while the not so rich dress to the nines in expensive finery. wait. i meant that the other way. oddly enough as we're waiting for our table we see this giant headed man walking into the diner who looks like the food channel's gordon elliot with 500 dollar glasses on. and he's gigantic. his head alone takes up 7 feet of height. the rest of him is about 15 feet tall. he's like a fucking australian stone golem or a living easter island tiki. i wasn't sure it was him until i heard that booming voice that makes me want to put some campbells soup into a microwave oven. gordo (5 dollar john will no longer let me call him gordaon elliot. i must call him gordo) sits down and puts this child on his lap. probably his kid. i'm not sure because i think he swallowed him whole. i could be wrong. i have been before. gordo didn't stay long, he left periodically, i assume to either smoke cigarettes or make phone calls or perhaps to find more children to devour. but more importantly, i had a kick ass black and white milkshake and a great burger. i'd come back to this diner in a second, i just don't think i should bring the boy with me. gordo might devour him.

—the bastard