atlas shrugged, the smoker's pole...

...and other dumb shit the bastard did this weekend

"hey bastard, whatcha eatin'?"

"i dunno, what are we eating'?"

"let's got to the california pizza kitchen at the atlas park mall."

"ok"

so this was the beginning of some of the bastard's most idiotic feats of driving for saturday.

now let me preface this by saying, no, the bastard is not a very good driver. the mofo has built an entire comedic routine around this which also consists of the bastard being gay, a yuppy, even though i lack the two out of three of that tryptic, (hint: the bastard is neither young, nor is he professional but, he sure as shit is urban), or annoying or whatever else is built into the routine at the time for maximum "my brother is a jack off because..." effect.

oh yeah, i also used to throw my combat boots around the bedroom we shared growing up along with throwing my laundry over his head while he slept too (i was drunk and that was where the dirty clothing went) but, i digress,

i'm not a good driver.

and i had been huffing paint fumes since i got home on friday night. the landlord finally finished repairing and painting the flooded remains of the bastard's apartment so i was a little hopped up on goofballs at the time when he decided to take the long way to the atlas shoppes. figger it was a 40 minute drive to get to a place that was essentially 10 minutes away.

oh yeah and i almosr hit a kid blowing through a stop sign that the chairman pointed out afdter i decided to stop listening to him.

oh, and i clipped my mirror getting into the parking lot because i decided that i was too mad at blowing the stop sign and killing kids to read any of the parking signage that the chairman had taken the liberty of reading but i digress, i almost killed a kid.


and i killed a teenager with a trident on my way to the california pizza kitchen.

but more importantly, the bastard had never been to the atlas park shoppes. it kind of looks like godzilla had eaten part of this art museum up in the berkshires called massMOCA and then ate part of the woodbury commons outlet mall upstate and then proceeded to vomit it all up in an empty lot in glendale, queens.

oh well, the pizza was good. then i went to a party where everyone had an iphone. it was kind of creepy, but fun.

—the bastard