…on submissions

… and I don't mean the sex pistols song





dear art director of gun magazine,

I am a freelance illustrator fluent in editorial and commercial work. My editorial clients have included U.S. News & World Report, Consumer Reports, Atlantic Monthly, The Los Angeles Times and The San Diego Union Tribune. Please take a moment to look over the attached samples of my work. Should you come across any assignments that you find compatible with my style, please contact me.

now, as a matter of course and more importantly, as a means of protecting folks from my vitriol, the bastard never answers these sort of notes from solicitors.

but my good friend 'stuff' who runs the art department for mystery science feels that one is doing both his book and the illustrator a grave disservice by NOT writing back. so in the spirit of this I decided to answer this and not send this to said illustrator.

dear illustrator,

i have looked at your sample and I realize that your style of pastels and cat illustrations more than likely never have a place in selling bullets in stores magazine as it is a business to business magazine for gun store owners and NOT. the Atlantic monthly. I would recommend that you seriously should look into the magazines you solicit as it feels to me that your style of solicitation is tantamount to the creepy guy at the singles bar who asks every girl in the bar for their phone number in the hopes of potentially getting at least one phone number in 400 solicitations. it quite frankly makes me feel less special and you know… kind of creeped out as we don't even run on a newsstand.

so going forward… not interested.

good luck.

and perhaps you should creep out less art directors.

good luck with all of the pastel hearts and stylized cats that apparently the Atlantic monthly loved oh so much. tah.

—the bastard

dried up…

exhaustion is a hell of a good sadness suppressor.

case meet point.

last night was the boy's last day in new york for the summer.

which always leads to a great deal of heavy sadness for me.

and don't get me wrong. the bastard is sad.

but yesterday…

it also rained like the hammers from hell…

and this added up to best lucky delays at the jetblue terminal that came straight out of logans run.

and this had the boy and I waiting for frikkin ever for the airport to right itself.

the boy didn't get airborne until 11:30.

the bastard didn't get on the van wick until midnight.

and after such a long night, I sat down on my balcony to consult with doctor whiskey and have a good cry but, it never came.

there I sat in my lounge

looking out at the great view of the thorough borough and I was too exhausted to move.

and I just couldn't do anything.

it wasn't until this morning while i was putting the boy's pillows away that I muttered, 'see you next summer", that I welled up.

you see it's august but for you but, summer is over for me.

—the bastard

this weak in anime...

Steins;Gate is rapidly becoming my favorite time travel show

at least until Doctor Who comes back this fall.

then all bets are off.

—the bastard

best use of action figures...

...EVER

the beastie boys are old but, they are clever.

watch this now.

—the bastard

last weak in anime...

wanted to put this up last week.

should have built a time machine to tell future me.

—the bastard

the bastard TOTALLY needs to get back to the gunpla

tonight the bastard dug up a freebie he got when he picked up a copy of dengeki magazine.

1/810 ideon model that isn't all that challenging.

the bastard is just trying to make space.

I may be winding up black f91 after the boy goes home next week so I can deal with his absence.

until it becomes my norm again.

but I had done a little business with the builder last week and he had something for me to build.

something for the boy to build.

something for me. a match for my real grade.

getting a free model totally takes the sting out of pro Bono work for good friends.

and while I could use some pay work, I like doing the work anyway.

stretches the brain once in a bit.

that and the robots. I've been building for damn near 30 years and I have yet to learn ANY Japanese yet.

I should.

I'd like to go there one day.

I'd like to ride across the country too on a motorcycle.

see if I can get either done.

until then… it's gunpla

—the bastard

on catharsis…

there's a reason the bastard doesn't discuss work on the blog.

well, there are several reasons the bastard doesn't discuss work on the blog.

one of them is, too many details… the closer you are to trouble for yourself.

another one is, that because of this I could never share some of the conversations I have for fear of frying my ass.

I had one such conversation today and I felt vindicated for what I felt about my last year.

I would rather not say more. I'd rather just be grateful about it.

—the bastard

the new way

it's been awful rough of late.

just the planning aspects here go a little pear shaped more often and the bastard finds himself doubling his efforts.

and when he is at the beck and call of others domestically speaking, he brings work home with him.

which has been a great time saver this time around.

but yesterday afternoon

after running pretty hard on all 8 for weeks

I finished what I was doing.

and it made me extremely uncomfortable.

and after what can be only described as me trying to crawl out of my own skin for five minutes, I walked over to a coworker to ask her if there was anything I could pick up.

after which the storm began anew and I became comfortable again in a busy world.

and now I'm taking a day off which may very well feel like 24 hours of me trying to climb out of my own skin.

—the bastard

24 hour party people…

…sans the party



since all of the bog changes in the office,

the workload has changed

and the bastard is losing sleep.

I squandered a perfectly good weekend playing catchup on work.

and I'm feeling a little burnt from it.

gotta get ahead of the curve.

at least the book looks good.

—the bastard