dried up…

exhaustion is a hell of a good sadness suppressor.

case meet point.

last night was the boy's last day in new york for the summer.

which always leads to a great deal of heavy sadness for me.

and don't get me wrong. the bastard is sad.

but yesterday…

it also rained like the hammers from hell…

and this added up to best lucky delays at the jetblue terminal that came straight out of logans run.

and this had the boy and I waiting for frikkin ever for the airport to right itself.

the boy didn't get airborne until 11:30.

the bastard didn't get on the van wick until midnight.

and after such a long night, I sat down on my balcony to consult with doctor whiskey and have a good cry but, it never came.

there I sat in my lounge

looking out at the great view of the thorough borough and I was too exhausted to move.

and I just couldn't do anything.

it wasn't until this morning while i was putting the boy's pillows away that I muttered, 'see you next summer", that I welled up.

you see it's august but for you but, summer is over for me.

—the bastard

the bastard could add to this...

but, i think this pretty much says it all really.

back today, and the power goes out at my desk. apparently the coffee pot is to blame.

this is fucking ponderous.

last week i was on one breaker which can cover a coffee pot.

now this week i am not.

it's not like i'm making coffe with the fucking hadron super collider,

allthough,

that might make a good cup but seriously,

if the bastard has to drink the in house brew, the whole floor may very well look like the deck of the event horizon.

just saying

—the bastard

be here now

dear daughter,

here I am driving the i10 past this mountain on my left

when it's on my right,

I am missing you

when it's on my left,

it is your brother I miss.

for today,

I am coming home to see you in all of your small wonder.

and I won't miss you as much then.

but right now,

you ride beside me and tell me that it's gonna be okay.

see you soon.

love,

—the bastard

ambiguous...

i've thought about this a bit.

and the bastard doesn't like it.

i don't talk about it anymore because no one believes it.

"you shouldn't even be that way", said one, as if knowing all of the circumstances

another just yells louder than the rest claiming authority over the discussion.

another concedes to agree to disagree privately and is myopic publicly,

and even know i'm not that, it's still disappointing to read.

all of it is really.

the bastard has grown tired lately.

tired of monstering.

digging,

finding,

opining.

doesn't matter. no one's listening anyway.

—the bastard