three hots and a cot

the bastard has more to be thankful for this year than he has in previous years…

Acts of mother nature have given him pause…

And after almost a week back at my perch, I'm so grateful that I can't even be annoyed by my pot smoking neighbor and his freeloading crew of pot smoking freeloaders…

Mostly because him and his cronies smoking on their balcony means that normal has returned to our little pocket of the liquid city…

And I'm happy about that

Paul Laurence Dunbar (1872-1906)
Signs of the Times

Air a-gittin' cool an' coolah,
Frost a-comin' in de night,
Hicka' nuts an' wa'nuts fallin',
Possum keepin' out o' sight.
Tu'key struttin' in de ba'nya'd,
Nary a step so proud ez his;
Keep on struttin', Mistah Tu'key,
Yo' do' know whut time it is.

Cidah press commence a-squeakin'
Eatin' apples sto'ed away,
Chillun swa'min' 'roun' lak ho'nets,
Huntin' aigs ermung de hay.
Mistah Tu'key keep on gobblin'
At de geese a-flyin' souf,
Oomph! dat bird do' know whut's comin';
Ef he did he'd shet his mouf.

Pumpkin gittin' good an' yallah
Mek me open up my eyes;
Seems lak it's a-lookin' at me
Jes' a-la'in' dah sayin' "Pies."
Tu'key gobbler gwine 'roun' blowin',
Gwine 'roun' gibbin' sass an' slack;
Keep on talkin', Mistah Tu'key,
You ain't seed no almanac.

Fa'mer walkin' th'oo de ba'nya'd
Seein' how things is comin' on,
Sees ef all de fowls is fatt'nin' --
Good times comin' sho's you bo'n.
Hyeahs dat tu'key gobbler braggin',
Den his face break in a smile --
Nebbah min', you sassy rascal,
He's gwine nab you atter while.

Choppin' suet in de kitchen,
Stonin' raisins in de hall,
Beef a-cookin' fu' de mince meat,
Spices groun' -- I smell 'em all.
Look hyeah, Tu'key, stop dat gobblin',
You ain' luned de sense ob feah,
You ol' fool, yo' naik's in dangah,
Do' you know Thanksgibbin's hyeah?

That said, be thanks for what you've got…

Be thankful for the people in your life…

Be thankful for your health…

Be thankful for whiskey…

—the bastard

...on departures...yet again

...special wartime dream sequence edition

so we have some more departures in the hallowed hall of our evil ant overlords.

wild turkey is leaving our little home at killing stuff monthly. he's heading back home. to the dirty souf. he'll be working with our recently departed kentucky gentleman. there have been a bunch of recent departures at the office. millhouse who used to be the editor of stealing shit and winning asmes magazine. he left for a magazine we will call "shooting shit in pretty surroundings". another guy that's leaving is the guy from men holding big fish magazine who looks like eric stoltz. he's going back south with millhouse.

now the commonality here is that all of these men came to new york. did their time up here. and now they go home. and the bastard thinks that's a good thing. you gotta live the dream when you can. and when you see a way to win, you grab it. i'll miss wild turkey. he was pretty goddam funny. put a great face on the sport and gave killing stuff monthly some great tales for the ages.

anyway wild turkey had a dream the other night, before giving his notice.

he's in the hallways, talking to eric stoltz about leaving and millhouse comes by and he's been long gone by now and turkey asks him what he's doing here.

"ahm jest here to pick up a few things that ah left"

someone from the office asks turkey how it's real interesting that "all you southern boys are leaving. first the kentucky gentleman leaves, then millhouse, then eric, then you wild turkey."

"are you kidding?", retorts wild turkey, "you thought we gave up on that war between the states? when i leave, that's when the air strikes start"

hell of a dream. apparently, the south will rise again and they will be sending airstrikes. waitaminute? the bastard had no idea the south had an air force. best keep your head down cowboy.

—the bastard

...on the exodus

...and the cold cold ground

did you know that it takes 1 hour to drive from houston street to the holland tunnel?

however it only takes 10 minutes to get from the holland tunnel to new jersey.

it takes 15 minutes to get to newark airport from there.

it takes 35 minutes to get to north jersey from newark aitport.

so the entirety of the bastard's travels adds up to the amount of time to travel from housten to the holland tunnel.

this is what happens when the entirety of a major metreopolis needs to cram itself into two lanes going to new jersey. the food was damn worth it though. at dinner, my ladyfriend's sister's inlaws were sitting near me, discussing with their son, the teacher, how they would like to be disposed of when they pass. father wants to be put in an urn in the center cabinet. mother wants her ashes to be buried in a biodegrable sack in a field. the bastard thinks he needs to be buried with the pumpkin cheesecake he had for dessert. that would be fine by me.

—the bastard