Showing posts with label domestic bliss in air quotes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label domestic bliss in air quotes. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 01, 2012

my daughter had a shit fit tonight…

you see…

… the monkey, she has a cough…

…and she woke up during the news

not liking me.

not liking her room.

not liking much of anything.

but she sure as shit liked screaming at the top of her lungs.

now (touch wood) its quiet.

sometimes kids just want to make sure they are heard.

— the bastard


Thursday, March 15, 2012

… on the small things

parents get proud of the dumbest shit.

case

meets

point

the babby was feeling sick last night.

totally interrupted a very inane episode of happy endings.

what do you want the bastard to watch? downtown abbey?

come on! the bastard likes a little stupid in it once in a while.

and there's something about a food truck called 'steak me home tonight'.

mmmmmm. steak.

anyway, I digress.

the babby woke up in a pile of her own sick last night and it was time for the rents to spring into action.

the wife did the consoling

and

the bastard did the cleanup. because what woman wants to look at puke.

seriously!

anyway after after dumping the sick laden stuff into the washer (I could go one about the majesty of having one in your apartment, and I hate you all, so I might. but not today).

then it settles down and the wife goes to bed and my buddy doctor whiskey knocks at the cupboard door telling me,

"hey stupid… it's time for whiskey". so I oblige.

two hours later (from the puking not the whiskey option), I hear a gaggy cough and I know it's round two of sick time.

and there she is,

leaning over the side of her crib.

giving the floor a green shower.

instead of doing it in the crib.

smart girl.

learning to walk is dope and all but, knowing where to throw yer sick? that's a fucking skill.

made me proud.

small shit. but it's big too. up yours.

— the bastard

Monday, January 02, 2012

the bastard made a frikkin meatloaf last night

yeah that's right jerks.

he made a frikkin meatloaf

and you know what it was Fulla?

frikkin MEATS

and it was EXcellent

—the bastard