here we go again

the bastard landed here in the winter of 2002.

he started going to gun shows in the winter of 2003.

and here we are doing the seventh one.

it's been a long slog for all of us.

less staff.

more responsibility.

more grief.

less to spend.

still moving forward.

the odd thing for me is with all the changes going on around the office that, it's like the bastard has a new crew going down every year.

i just hope it doesn't blow up this time.

it hasn't yet but, who knows how lucky 7 is gonna be.

once more into the breach my friends. mullets ahoy.

—the bastard

...on the dry run

so for the last couple of days, the bastard has been waiting for one of killing stuff monthly's photographers to send me some photos that i'll be using this month.

because sometimes reuse is better...er...cheaper than booking your own photoshoot.

what can i say? fuck art, i'd rather keep a job. times is tough bitches.

but seriously, this guy has great pieces and it's great reuse that helps the bastard sleep at night.

that and several strong drinks.

what'd you expect? fucking life lessons?

yeah, drink some liquor.

get some sleep. ta DAH!

anyway, in the interim, i've been plugging away at other parts of selling bullets, a supplement my ladyfriend needed help with, as well as some of the devil's work. but today as i finished up with my run at the supplement, i realized that some goofballs from the downtown office will be up here next week to show us how the new system works.

new system? what new system bastard?

well young shiteyes, i won't bother you with the details,

mostly because i don't want to get fired for divulging too much of my companies inner workings but,

we have a new system.

and we're gonna start using it on the gun show dailies.

so i've started on them. and with a great heaving sigh, the bastard begins anew his yearly quest towards the careful balance between working efficiently and working drunk. speed the plow mutha grabbas.

speed

the

plow.

—the bastard

...on experts

so this is how the bastard spent his friday.

about three weeks ago, killing stuff monthly's web producer sent an email around asking everyone what their favorite summer beer was.

it is in these instances, that we discover the magic that is the reply all button.

Ha — BUSCH LIGHT, WOOOOOO My favorite beer, year-round, is Chimay Blue. Dark, rich Belgian ale. Brewed by Trappist monks and sold in a manly 750 mL corked bottle. Tons of complex flavor. Smooth finish. I’ve never met anyone who likes beer and didn’t love this. Most “summer ales” are lemony wuss drinks.

the editor who has been web crazy of late, followed up with

We need to do a beer tasting before summer is out. Let’s plan a Friday afternoon. Everybody bring a 6-pack and we’ll do a tasting. Maybe shoot some pics for the Web site.

so the bastard and his trusty managing editor brought our contribution to the table in the form of widmer hefeweizer from me and victory hop devil from rob which we have renamed "the mother fucking hop devil" because it IS the fucking devil.

needless to say, the afternoon didn't end well for the bastard. it came down to myself, killing stuff's copy chief and the p-cat finishing up the remainders. after this, the bastard surfaced from his lunchless drinking session with the bright idea of getting lunch at 5pm with a stomach full of beer. this also didn't end well as i tripped on my way out of the pizza place and broke a vase but for some reason, it escaped notice until i was in the clear.

nice and smooth.

good and drunk. i made it home.

good and nauseous.

passed out, the bastard gets a phone call from the chairman. good thing i still had my headphones still on so i didn't have to move as the world was still spinning at this point. 10 minutes later, i'm in the good ship chairman's ride and on my way yowards being rescued by mexican food. my aching skull.

—the bastard

the bastard has to axe you

you ever have one of those days?

you know.

you split some really expensive tickets with your brother so that our mother can go see her favorite artist perform at her favorite venue before it closes?

and then you go out to dinner for your cousin's birthday?

and drink like.....three martini's and have a good meal?

and then we completely didn't almost die in a car wreck because your cousin has a superior braking system in his car?

and then you get home to open the mail and find out that your accountant fucked up and now you owe the government even more money?

yeah me too.

it never fails. every time the bastard feels like he's starting to get ahead, starting to be able to sock some away and some other fucking expense comes up.

—the bastard

... on starting early

so our publisher, the big EZ, is letting us go early today for the memorial day holiday. The big EZ is a great publisher.

and the bastard has some layover time.

we're going to get something to drink.

and then i''m going to go to a going away party to drink some more.

then i'm going to a launch party on saturday which i will no doubt have opinions about later.

i love this business.

—the bastard